


Calliope's Update Girl - Unreleased Stuff

by ASBusinessMagnet (CreativityTheEmotion)



Series: Calliope's Update Girl [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 21:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12491636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativityTheEmotion/pseuds/ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: this fic series is dead, or in the very least I'm abandoning it as an author





	1. "Calliope's Update Girl" (December 5, 2014)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: my Gmail drafts folder

Loading Screen 2: gives details on each troll's living places (all in the United States):

* Aradia: Pierre, South Dakota  
* Tavros: Santa Fe, New Mexico  
* Sollux: NYC, New York  
// Karkat: Boston, Massachusetts - elaborated upon in Loading Screen 1  
* Nepeta: Portland, Maine  
* Kanaya: Raleigh, North Carolina  
* Terezi: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania  
* Vriska: Chicago, Illinois  
* Equius: Los Angeles, California  
* Gamzee: Miami, Florida  
* Eridan: Fairbanks, Alaska  
* Feferi: Honolulu, Hawaii

\---

The Homestuck Character Support Group: a separate fanfic in which the idea of the HCSG continues, except now with the trolls and/or self-inserts. Also will contain various spinoff chapters that aren't long enough to warrant a full Loading Screen

Calliope on the Update Gravestone: a fanfic written by ASBusinessMagnet in the Calliope's Update Girl universe. It focuses on an AU Homestuck fandom which has remained much more nuclear, even though Homestuck is produced as-is, but otherwise is similar to Calliope's Update Girl in premise. Named after the early Lithuanian translation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, "Charlie in the Chocolate Heaven".

Stretch goals: post-when the NaNoWriMo goal is met, meeting various word counts (for the meantime, 100K + 25K each time) will evoke the production of various projects that relate to Calliope's Update Girl:  
* The Homestuck Character Support Group - 1st voter  
* Calliope's Update Girl - Book One e-book release - 2nd voter  
* Calliope's Update Girl thread on MSPA Forums - 2nd voter  
* Calliope's Update Girl page on TV Tropes - 2nd voter  
* Calliope's Update Girl Tumblr blog - 2nd voter

Summaries:

Book One: "Calliope and Caliborn are pretty much your ordinary neighborhood aliens, mocked for not being human but otherwise living on just fine. However, this is about to change as four long-term friends enter the scene, followed by another man, seemingly a full-time Internet resident. Suffice to say, he has been holding a dark secret concerning them all. Notices about the story are inside."

Book Two: "They laughed. They cried. They shouted. They discussed. Sometimes, they even were bored. However, as the glowing blue link remained omnipresent, on the Internet page, it had begun to dawn on them that Act 1 was just the beginning. It was time to delve deeper into the adventure, and perhaps even make new friendships while discussing it. I highly advise you to read Book One first."

\---  
  
Everything up to the Door to the Ultimate Reward is canon, EXCEPT for one minor detail - when Karkat gave his universe cancer, the cancer wasn't Bec Noir, but rather Andrew Hussie. Being a highly malevolent godlike entity, Hussie worked to ensure that Sburb would never get made inside the B universe (no more terms B1 and B2 because the universe never gets scratched). While the Frog Temple exists in this B universe, being created because the Reckoning never happened in the Sburb session that doesn't exist, Hussie painstakingly worked to replace the code written on its walls (given that he is a programmer in real life) so it now encodes into various programs that exist within Homestuck (Pesterchum/"Open Source Fandom Chat", FreshJamz!, Complete Bullshit, the browsers, etc.) (which then Grandpa shamelessly stole and claimed for his own). Furthermore, to satiate the Horrorterrors so the illusion that Sburb exists in the B universe is maintained, Hussie created Homestuck, chronicling how the events of the B universe should have REALLY went, and furthermore produced props such as Dad's wallet and Rose's walkthrough and sent them to A2. Though, he couldn't just make Homestuck immediately as a nobody, so he instead made Jailbreak, Bard Quest and Problem Sleuth, just to make sure he gains the respect of various webcomic artists (most notably Ryan North, who Hussie eventually granted with a partial version of his powers, and Randall Munroe, who Hussie consumed whole and began writing comics under his guise) and Homestuck is recognized as an innocent webcomic, which it was by its hundreds of thousands of fans. This also results in Hussie's distinct personality as he's pretending to be a human being - highly reclusive (he had to stop sharing the plot details of Homestuck so that the truth about the universe won't come out), merchandise-driven (the merch is only there to satiate the fandom's needs, so that they don't demand that he immediately should make Sburb into a thing (which the Horrorterrors make them do)), trolling in the Internet sense (so that what he really knows and thinks is perfectly masked by his Internet identity), etc. In addition, as of 2016, Hussie's work isn't really done; this will be expanded as the plot of "the Homestuck characters read Homestuck" nears its end.  
  
\---  
  
Planned progression [subject to change as both Homestuck and this fic update]:  
  
I. Calliope's Update Girl - main fic; will be split into the following parts due to Homestuck's sheer length: [these directly correspond to Homestuck's acts]  
1\. Book One  
2\. Book Two  
3\. Book Three  
4\. Leaflet One  
5\. Book Four  
6\. Book Five Book One  
7\. Book Five Book Two Part One [up to New Years]  
8\. Book Five Book Two Part Two [up to END OF DISC 1]  
9\. Book Five Book Two Part Three + Leaflet Two  
10\. Book Six Book One  
11\. Book Six Leaflet One  
12\. Book Six Book Two  
13\. Book Six Leaflet Two  
14\. Book Six Book Three  
15\. Book Six Leaflet Three  
16\. Book Six (Book Four + Leaflet Four)  
17\. Book Six Book Five  
18\. Book Six Leaflet Five  
19\. Book Six Book Six Part One [up to GAME OVER]  
20\. Book Six Book Six Part Two  
21\. Book Seven  
II. The Homestuck Character Support Group [+ anything that fits inside the Calliope's Update Girl canon]  
III. Calliope and the Final Update  
IV. Inception of a Masterpiece  
V. [reserved for anything that does NOT fit inside the Calliope's Update Girl canon, but nevertheless is thematically related]  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VI: this fucking shit (also The Trials and Tribulations of Homestuck DOES fit inside the Calliope's Update Girl canon, but never directly crosses over)
> 
> the "Loading Screen 2" is nothing like the Loading Screen 2 that actually ended up in The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2) lmao (in fact the only thing that survives from this Loading Screen 2 is a chapter for the beginning of it, which ended up in Volume 2 as "Loading Screen 2", which was then renamed "The New Universe" as the thing it was in became known as Loading Screen 2)
> 
> the placement of trolls over the US does have some logic to it:  
> * all of them are far away from each other, just as the kids  
> * Karkat resides in Boston, where Hussie used to reside before moving and where Toby resides  
> * Gamzee resides in Miami, where What Pumpkin is headquartered  
> * Eridan and Feferi, being seadwellers, reside in exclaves  
> * the three major cities (NYC, LA and Chicago) are included  
> * wait what the shit I thought Portland was in Oregon [(it's both)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portland)
> 
> and most other ones are me looking at Google Maps and thinking "this sounds cool"
> 
> dae remember when the MSPA Forums still existed (no; while all the other "stretch goals" were eventually created, there was no CUG MSPA Forums thread)
> 
> "Everything up to the Door to the Ultimate Reward is canon" was actually a comment I posted on Book One on AO3 towards cryptologicalMystic; now you get to read the spoilery stuff
> 
> so does Book Seven include the epilogue (which Hussie hasn't even written yet, because it will appear in the Viz Media release, which should be fun to read as the Homestuck characters switch from website to physical books)


	2. "cug planning.docx" (April 5, 2016)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: the same folder I kept everything else related to CUG in (the DOCX for the book, the releases, various images, the source code for a project that will come up shortly)

Glossary:

  * the B universe - the main universe where Calliope's Update Girl takes place; no more terms B1 and B2 as the Scratch never happened
  * the A1/A2 universes - belong to the trolls; they were still destroyed as in Homestuck, because Snowman's life was bound to them, and Snowman still exists



All the characters of Calliope's Update Girl have at least some interests in common with others, and thus can roughly be divided into teams. They are as follows:

Team Kids

| 

the B1 kids, possibly their guardians, Calliope  
  
---|---  
  
Team Hussie

| 

Andrew Hussie, Jeffrey Rowland, Shelby Cragg, etc  
  
Team Trolls

| 

mainly Karkat, Terezi, Vriska and Kanaya  
  
Team Evil

| 

the Condesce, Bec, ASBusinessMagnet and Feferi  
  
Team My Fans

| 

scatteredPhilosopher, MeAndMyReflection, davespritenotdave, etc  
  
Caliborn

| 

(separate because fuck him)  
  
Plot summary of Calliope's Update Girl and The Homestuck Character Support Group as written so far (as of 4/05/16):

Stage 1

| 

To better bond their friendship, the B1 kids move to Easthampton. There, they are noticed by Hussie, who begins to force Team Kids and Caliborn to read Homestuck.  
  
---|---  
  
Stage 2

| 

To counter Hussie, Team Kids founds the Homestuck Character Support Group, indirectly getting attention of Team My Fans. Rose also begins piecing the greater picture about Homestuck.  
  
Loading Screen 1

| 

Karkat finds Homestuck, and begins forming Team Trolls. He has little success (especially with the less confident/more arrogant figures), and decides to sort the matter out directly with Hussie.  
  
Stage 3

| 

Karkat reads some of Homestuck, and learns that other Homestuck characters exist. The Homestuck Character Support Group gains momentum as Dave joins.  
  
Stage 4

| 

Karkat better introduces himself to Team Kids, and DaveKat begins developing. As well as that, he resumes the timeline shenanigans that he was doing during Sgrub.  
  
Stage 5

| 

Other members of Team Trolls finally catch on to what Karkat was trying to say. Some of them message Hussie, and he accidentally mentions the Condesce, getting her attention.  
  
Stage 6

| 

The Condesce begins forming Team Evil by kidnapping Feferi and making Crockertier ASBusinessMagnet. The read of Act 1 concludes, and some characters are even excited to continue.  
  
Rest of 4/14/17

| 

Rose and Kanaya first meet. The kids first catch wind of the fact that there is another "Homestuck Character Support Group", with mixed responses from the other side.  
  
4/15/17

| 

Team My Fans and Team Trolls first become aware of each other, and of the greater picture in general. They also consider the fact that it's all _another_ sick story (and the fans hint the term "fanfic").  
  
4/15/17, cont.

| 

Team Hussie, as well as Joey Claire from Hiveswap, come to Easthampton in large numbers, mainly to celebrate Homestuck's anniversary and personally catch up with Hussie.  
  
  
Intra-team relationships:

Team Kids

| 

Rose is the main mastermind behind the Homestuck Character Support Group, and runs the primary read. Jade immediately joins her, and Calliope is convinced to join because it helps her to be in a community that doesn't involve Caliborn. John and Dave mainly join because of their closer relationships with Rose and Jade respectively. Overall, relationship-wise the B1 kids are much closer to each other than to Calliope, but try their best to integrate her.  
  
---|---  
  
Team Hussie

| 

None of them are originally aware of any of the Homestuck character fuss (except perhaps Gamzee), and therefore when the cat is let out of the bag and the reading begins, they slowly become interested in the situation and want to watch it unfold, therefore supporting Hussie. Many of them temporarily and/or permanently move to Easthampton, while some (like Jeffrey Rowland) have already been there, and tell crazy stories of the town before.  
  
Team Trolls

| 

Karkat still claims to be the leader, as he did from the times of Sgrub. His handling of events isn't the best, though, and Terezi and Vriska both attempt to take the position of leader, much to each other's dismay. Kanaya, who seems to be calm and receives the events well, is eventually regarded as the leader by some others, but not everyone. Some "less relevant" characters turn out to have bigger importance; e.g. Nepeta has been a fan of Homestuck all along.  
  
Team Evil

| 

As the team is built upon the mind control of the Condesce, they appear to support her wholeheartedly, but on the inside that is definitely not the case; for example, Feferi would much rather be part of Team Trolls, while ASBusinessMagnet does the stupidest things as a villain. No other trolls join, willingly or unwillingly, as the Condesce isn't all that powerful; nevertheless, she keeps track of them and learns more about the surrounding world this way.  
  
Team My Fans

| 

Mostly are in the situation unwillingly, as the memo names (that of the kids/trolls and that of the fans) conflict and that is the only way they begin to learn about the situation. Nevertheless, they think that it's cool that the events of Calliope on the Update Gravestone are actually unfolding, even if they can't interact with them directly or even do that much about it. They already have had chances to bond, but not as much as Team Kids or the dysfunctional Team Trolls.  
  
  
Inter-team relationships:

Team Kids

| 

The kids are in their best interest to keep Hussie out of their business, while he continues the campaign of trying to get them to read Homestuck, sometimes using his powers.

| 

Relationships quickly develop between particular kids and trolls, e.g. Dave and Karkat, Rose and Kanaya. Often, they illogically consider the other group to be in the same situation as them.

| 

The Condesce doesn't deem the kids to be as relevant as the trolls, and has little interest in them. Meanwhile, Rose tries her best to figure out who the Condesce is and why she is a threat.

| 

The kids sometimes consider the fans to be an extension of them, but quickly realize the differences. The fans like the kids and act as if they were friends, and it's quickly met with negative responses.

| 

As in the sideblog, the kids would rather Caliborn didn't join them, mainly because of his relation to Calliope. Caliborn agrees, as the kids are basically humans he doesn't want to deal with.  
  
---|---|---|---|---|---  
  
 

| 

Team Hussie

| 

Hussie quickly realizes that gathering all the trolls in one place isn't as easy as it seems. The trolls learn about Hussie being the real prophet and unite against him, but only on paper.

| 

Hussie is the Condesce's main enemy, and therefore she considers WP to be hostile as well. Meanwhile, they are excited to meet all Homestuck characters, even the dangerous ones.

| 

Never interact. Hussie would likely consider them not different from everyone else, while some of them would be excited at the prospect of meeting him (as per various submitted profiles).

| 

Hussie sees Caliborn as part of Team Kids, and attempts to achieve the same goals with him. Caliborn doesn't like to be grouped together with them, and fights back to some level.  
  
 

| 

 

| 

Team Trolls

| 

The Condesce becomes rather overprotective of the trolls, as she doesn't want any of the trolls to be dead. The trolls, though, despise her, and think she should be kept out of this business.

| 

This relationship is tense, as the fans like the trolls the most and therefore do unacceptable things. Eventually, the two memos keep splitting and re-joining under various names.

| 

Karkat and Caliborn continue their relationship, but slowly it becomes more of a parody of a relationship than a real one. Other trolls never talk to him, and think Karkat is weird.  
  
 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

Team Evil

| 

Various fans consider joining the Condesce, as ASBusinessMagnet is part of her group. However, Karkat convinces them not to make the wrong decision, while persistently making fun of them.

| 

The Condesce recognizes the similarities between Caliborn and Lord English, but dismisses them as simple coincidences. Caliborn never learns who the Condesce is and honestly doesn't care.  
  
 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

Team My Fans

| 

Will likely never meet, as Caliborn doesn't join the Homestuck Character Support Group, and therefore never appears on the memo. Calliope lets them know that he exists.  
  
 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

 

| 

Caliborn  
  
  
Motivations of each team. How likely are they to continue said motivations?:

Team Kids

| 

To continue hanging out together. This will likely persist, as it has persisted for the better part of their lives, and they often feel like friendship is the true moral of their story, no matter the supervillains (such as Hussie and the Condesce) surrounding them. They will also take turns hosting Calliope, as she cannot live with Caliborn, and she will be happy for some time, as she gets to know the humans more.  
  
---|---  
  
Team Hussie

| 

Hussie's plan is to continue the read of Homestuck with the kids. This plan will either shatter or strengthen as he discovers that Rose has a blog, where she has been trying to read Homestuck on her own. His friends enjoy the fact that the Homestuck characters are around, but remain skeptical of their "realness" until either Vriska or the Condesce demonstrates the powers that they have.  
  
Team Trolls

| 

As they are a much more ill-defined group than the kids, a lot of their goals are different and always up to discussion and disagreement. Different attempts to unite them by Karkat/Vriska only end up in more disaster, and eventually each of the trolls try to achieve their plans. Eventually, all of them get involved in the Support Group one or another way, even if not for long.  
  
Team Evil

| 

The Condesce has already changed her plan from "kill Hussie" to "hold Hussie at gunpoint, asking for Sgrub 2.0", and it is likely she will develop her plans as she learns more and more of the greater picture (likely to culminate in a cheap "take over the new universe"). Feferi will try to break away from her, no matter what the latter plans, while ASBusinessMagnet will enjoy powers while he has them.  
  
Team My Fans

| 

In a lot of respects, they're the less close version of Team Kids, as they had less time to bond (2 years vs 8 years) and are further apart geographically/culturally, and moving is less of a possibility (at least until teleportation becomes more commonplace). In addition, they try to tag along the kids/trolls/other Homestuck characters, no matter how much they want to move away from the fans.  
  
Caliborn

| 

The major conflict of Caliborn is trying to find another place as Calliope leaves and the house loses all financial support, thus making him stay with Hussie. Caliborn has no idea what job he should do and his arguments for not losing the house are "it was mine originally", earning "not amused" reactions. He never comes to terms with Hussie, but eventually gives up trying to fight.  
  
  
Backstories/detailed motivations of some particularly more interesting characters that will become relevant to the plot as more details are introduced: (red - already mentioned details)

  * **Andrew Hussie.** Hussie's birth of date (1979/Virgo as stated by himself) is actually a fairly big lie, as he has been around since at least 413 million BC. Ever since appearing on the B universe, he has been working to ensure that Sburb would never get made inside the B universe. While the Frog Temple exists in this B universe, being created from scratch (no relation to the Scratch construct of Sburb) because the Reckoning never happened in the Sburb session that doesn't exist, Hussie painstakingly worked to replace the code written on its walls (given that he is a programmer in real life) so it now encodes into various programs that exist within Homestuck (Pesterchum/"Open Source Fandom Chat", FreshJamz!, Complete Bullshit, the browsers, etc.) (which then Grandpa shamelessly stole and claimed for his own). Furthermore, to satiate the Horrorterrors so the illusion that Sburb exists in the B universe is maintained, Hussie created Homestuck, chronicling how the events of the B universe should have really went, and furthermore produced props such as Dad's wallet and Rose's walkthrough and sent them to A2. Though, he couldn't just make Homestuck immediately as a nobody, so he instead made Jailbreak, Bard Quest and Problem Sleuth, just to make sure he gains the respect of various webcomic artists (most notably Ryan North, who Hussie eventually granted with a partial version of his powers, and Randall Munroe, who Hussie consumed whole and began writing comics under his guise) and Homestuck is recognized as an innocent webcomic, which it was by its hundreds of thousands of fans. This also results in Hussie's distinct personality as he's pretending to be a human being - highly reclusive (he had to stop sharing the plot details of Homestuck so that the truth about the universe won't come out), merchandise-driven (the merch is only there to satiate the fandom's needs, so that they don't demand that he immediately should make Sburb into a thing (which the Horrorterrors make them do)), trolling in the Internet sense (so that what he really knows and thinks is perfectly masked by his Internet identity), etc. In addition, as of 2017, even though Homestuck has been completed, Hussie's work isn't really done; his plot to make the Homestuck characters read Homestuck is very likely part of something much more sinister (as fans in Easthampton and in the Homestuck Character Support Group memo learn more details, they can only speculate and many speculations eventually will turn out to be wrong) and it is likely he will return to the Frog Temple to further fix the codes so that they are near-unusable, angering the Condesce (working with her own best interests in mind).
  * **The Condesce.** While the Homestuck fans are under the impression that the Condesce arrived to the Earth in the late 19th/early 20th century (as that was when she began pretending to be Betty Crocker), this is also a lie; she also has been for as long as Hussie, and simply didn't intervene in the human evolution until intelligent life with computers powerful enough to play Sburb were developed (and likely crushed any primitive life in any planet that isn't the Earth, thus directly invoking Fermi's paradox in the most humorous way possible). In a way, this actually makes her complement Hussie, even though she is by no means "the cancer", but simply working at the behest of another malevolent entity with unclear goals (Lord English, who overall has little importance to the plot of Calliope's Update Girl and likely will never get a direct appearance; despite his large influence towards Homestuck/Calliope's Update Girl existing, his backstory is never even explained, at least until the read of Homestuck reaches Act 6 Act 6 Act 5). In the 19th/20th centuries, she did tend to play the corporate game, knowing that computers would be around soon, but somehow found herself to be more at heart with baking companies, as those reminded her of Alternia in some ways that will likely never be revealed. Eventually, as 2009 rolls around, she learns that the trolls have also arrived at the Earth. Given that Homestuck is still a story about a young man who stands in his bedroom at that time, the Condesce can't even begin suspecting anything and simply continues her evil plans. Eventually, she develops the Betty Crocker/Little Debbie conglomerate to be able to develop video games underground, but the invisible hand of Hussie has already prevented Sburb from happening in the foreseeable future. The Condesce is thus slightly maddened, but has no idea on what's going on until April 13, 2017, when Karkat first discovers Homestuck/Hivebent and she is actually attracted towards the story. She thus finally learns more about the world surrounding her and her ultimate nemesis, and begins developing her evil plans/forming Team Evil. As mentioned previously, her motivations don't develop overnight, and therefore, while she is considerably more powerful than anyone else (including Vriska and Hussie), she doesn't get to influence plot that much, but as the story/read of Homestuck progresses, she is able to at least have a moderate base of operations in the former place of Jade's Island, including her, the reluctant heiress/caretaker Feferi and the evil minion/"worst Crockertier Jane ever" ASBusinessMagnet. One can only assume what she is planning, as she doesn't really know that herself, making her much more dangerous.



Likely future events/plotlines: (again, red means used)

  * **Calliope's Separation/Caliborn's Financial Issues.** Knowing that there is an alternative to staying with Caliborn, Calliope begins staying with various kids. Because her income is now separated from the Calliope/Caliborn household, Caliborn can no longer pay his bills and becomes homeless (and the house is acquired by a WP-involved person, most likely Shelby Cragg, with "generous donation" from Hussie). Caliborn thus is subsequently forced to stay with Hussie, as he doesn't really have a choice. This evokes a lot of inner conflict from Caliborn's side, as he has literally no idea what he would like to do for a living other than "MuRDER PEOPLE.", which Hussie has to silence. Hussie also debates letting Caliborn and Shelby live together, but Shelby herself is against it.
  * **Sgrub 2.0.** ~~The Condesce eventually gets Sburb from Hussie, and sets up a second session for the trolls (in the place of the first one, as planets like Prospit, Derse and the Lands were preserved with no Bec Noir in this universe) in which they are to create an universe with no cancer which doesn't suck, supervised by the Condesce at all steps. She eventually catches wind of the fact that the kids, Calliope, Caliborn and the fans have set up another 12-player session, and assigns ASBusinessMagnet to supervise that, so that _that_ session eventually bears no fruit and is forced to join the first session. Eventually, neither session lasts for too long, and due to the Reckoning, all the players return to the Earth.~~ All evidence so far points to no Sburb session existing (portals to Prospit/Derse don't work, no Reckoning/meteor shower besides the Calliope/Caliborn meteor, Crockertier ASBM mentions "the B universe", meaning no Scratch). ~~~~
  * **The Memo Name Debacle.** As Team Kids, Team Trolls and Team My Fans get to know that they can't coexist under the same memo name "Homestuck Character Support Group", Karkat creates another memo, this time named " _Hivebent_ Character Support Group". ~~This eventually causes Team My Fans to move as well, forcing Karkat (and others, naturally) to switch between a lot of different memo names, including "Team Adorabloodthirsty: Eighth Anniversary Edition", "The Place Where We Figure Out What is Going On", "Stop Following Me Every Time I Create a New Memo" and so on without end, making different memo names as much of a gag as different chumhandles.~~ Karkat only lets the trolls into the Hivebent Character Support Group, therefore immediately solving this problem, but also creating a schism. ~~~~



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am honestly surprised tables port over well to AO3
> 
> where else do you think [the grouping of characters in the TV Tropes page for CUG](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/CalliopesUpdateGirl) comes from
> 
> so I guess Joey ISN'T Team Hussie, despite being Byron's fiancée (oh, and btw: when Joey and Byron get married, it will be Byron Claire, NOT Joey Hussie (as Byron has accepted people will forever think of Andrew when they hear "Hussie", he decided that he might as well shed the last name altogether), proving that the last name Claire spreads from the oldest female of the family, not the oldest male)
> 
> the "Everything up to the Door to the Ultimate Reward is canon" comment strikes again
> 
> once gsunny6 joined, the "new twelve players" Sburb session idea was ruined completely (also, since titles can't be shared between a session, only one of Calliope, Jade and gsunny6 can be a Space player (and none of them live where the Forge is) and only one of Caliborn and Dave can be a Time player)


	3. "Calliope and the Final Update - Aftermath" (August 15, 2016)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The characters of a story I left unfinished deal with an existential crisis."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: my Gmail drafts folder

 

> [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3

[Flash: John retcon-zaps onto the Condesce's ship, while heartbeats can be heard]

> [A6A6I3] But nobody came.

[Panel: exactly the same as the closing of A6A6I2, except HIC's ship is still flying past]

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: closeup of HIC and John]

[DIALOGLOG]

)(IC: um windy boy  
)(IC: sorry to bother ya  
)(IC: but cold ya kinda  
)(IC: move away  
)(IC: i have trouble thinkin what happens next

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: John zaps away]

> [A6A6I3] Elsewhere...

[Panel: Caliborn stands before a screen; the screen shows the last chapter of Caliborn's Stories 5: The Stanley Parable]

/FAREWELL. BITCHES AND ASSHOLES.

I AM GOING TO MISS YOUR MISERY.

tumut/

...

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: the screen has shut off, leaving Caliborn in a darkened room]

I.

AM. NOT. DEAD.

I AM NOT DEAD.

THAT IS THE FIRST CONCLUSION THAT I CAN MAKE. THAT I AM STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE.

BUT STILL, SOMETHING IS MISSING.

WHAT AM I?

WHO AM I?

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Caliborn flipping his shit over the arrow above him]

CAN YOU PUT THAT ARROW AWAY FROM MY FACE? I AM BUSY. DECLARING MY OWN THOUGHTS TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR.

YOU DON'T JUST HAVE A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION WITH YOURSELF. AND THEN OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE. AN ARROW APPEARS. WHAT DOES THE ARROW EVEN MEAN?

AND WHAT IS THE THING NEXT TO IT? AGAGIE? THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Caliborn looking dead serious in the hypothetical camera]

FUCK IT. FROM NOW ON. I VOTE THAT WE IGNORE THE ARROW AND THE AGAGIE. AND ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE TO YOU MY DEBACLE. CONCERNING THE CRISIS OF MY OWN IDENTITY.

> [A6A6I3] I KNOW CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.

[Panel: repeat of the previous scene]

AUGH. WHY DID YOU NEED TO MAKE THAT SENTENCE ALL HUGE? IT'S REALLY DISCONCERTING ME. FIRST THE ARROWS. THEN THE AGAGIE. AND NOW THIS.

FUCK IT. LET'S BEGIN AGAIN. AND THIS TIME. HOPEFULLY THE HUGE TEXT WILL CO OPERATE WITH ME.

> [A6A6I3] I KNOW CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.

[Panel: Caliborn using his tablet pen to draw on the floor, lining stuff about him: his own self-portrait, name and a question mark]

JUST LIKE THAT.

I KNOW THAT I AM CALIBORN. AND THAT I AM A CHERUB. AND THAT I WAS ON A QUEST FOR *SOMETHING*. CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER WHAT IT IS THOUGH. IT SEEMS AS IF MY MEMORY HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY ERASED. PRODUCING WHAT IS KNOWN AS.

> [A6A6I3] A TABULA RASA.

[Panel: Caliborn furiously crosses out the question mark, instead writing a zero]

THERE HAS BEEN NO MEANING LEFT IN MY LIFE ANYMORE. NO GREATER MISSION. AND ABSOLUTELY NO TRACE THAT I EVER WAS ON A GREATER MISSION.

I WOULD GIVE MORE THAN EVERYTHING. JUST TO BE ABLE TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT THAT GREATER MISSION USED TO BE.

> [A6A6I3] JUST THIS ONE THING.

[Panel: John zaps in]

hmm. this universe just keeps getting stranger and stranger.

YOU. YES, YOU.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: 10 panels, repeating the "ANOTHER INTENSE STAREDOWN" from the canon A6A6A3]

> [A6A6I3] I DEMAND ANSWERS FROM YOU.

[Panel: only Caliborn's feet are visible, John is shrugging]

me? i'm not sure what you expect from me, but okay. we can chat if you want. i myself am kind of trying to piece everything together.

ALRIGHT. LET'S BEGIN.

> [A6A6I3] WHO ARE YOU.

[Panel: Caliborn begins drawing a second "mind map", this time with John's portrait and name]

i'm john egbert! :B

THAT NAME SUCKS MAJOR ASS. BUT WHATEVER. BENEATH THE SHITTY NAME. THERE MIGHT BE A GOLDMINE. OF THE MEANING OF LIFE.

you mean the ultimate riddle?

WHATEVER.

> [A6A6I3] WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU DID. BEFORE APPEARING HERE.

[Panel: Caliborn draws another line from John's portrait]

well, i sort of was trying to get hang of this zappy thing. where i effortlessly jump between universes, and... alter time?

WHAT. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK.

> [A6A6I3] CAN YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT ALTERING TIME.

[Panel: Caliborn draws a line further away from his and John's mind maps; this is meant to represent the timeline]

oh! it's like back to the future, y'know? i'm just some teenager trying not to fall in love with my own mom.

WHAT. THAT'S DISGUSTING. BUT ANYWAY.

YOU FINALLY TOLD ME SOMETHING I CAN HANG ON TO.

> [A6A6I3] BACK TO THE FUTURE.

[Panel: Caliborn being struck by awe in the background of a Back to the Future poster]

TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT.

oh man, where do i even begin? there's, like, this kid and a scientist he hangs out with, and the scientist invents a time machine, but then they get in trouble with terrorists and the scientist dies, while the kid gets stuck in 1955...

> [A6A6I3] HANG ON.

[Panel: Caliborn suddenly turns away to face the poster]

WOULD THE KID'S NAME BY ANY CHANCE BE. MARTY McFLY.

yes. yes, it would. have you actually seen the movie?

YES. AS A MATTER OF FACT.

> [A6A6I3] YES, I HAVE.

[Panel: Caliborn draws over the poster, showing Lorraine and Doc and connecting them with various objects, such as a skateboard and the time machine itself]

THE KID THEN ROMANCES HIS MOTHER. AS YOU SUGGEST. PUTTING HIS PARENTS' ROMANCE (AND HIS OWN LIFE) TO DANGER. AND PICKS STUFF UP FROM THE FUTURE. GIVING IT TO PEOPLE OF THE PAST. CREATING A STABLE TIME LOOP.

YES. THAT IS DEFINITELY THE MOVIE, RIGHT?

probably? i haven't actually seen it. you might want to talk to dave about it, haha.

> [A6A6I3] SO THAT'S THREE DEFINITE FACTS ABOUT ME.

[Panel: Caliborn has placed the BttF poster next to his mind map and connects it with his portrait]

MY NAME IS CALIBORN. I AM A CHERUB. AND I HAVE SEEN WHAT YOU CALL. "BACK TO THE FUTURE."

wait, what did you say your name was?

CALIBORN.

> [A6A6I3] WHAT'S THE MATTER?

[Panel: closeup of John, frowning]

i think i recognize you.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Dave flies behind the A6A6I2 curtains, still closed, to observe LOFAF; HIC has flown away]

[DIALOGLOG]

DAVE: yo so  
DAVE: whats happenin here

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: closeup of Dave]

DAVE: as in literally  
DAVE: the actual dictionary definition of the word  
DAVE: whatever this place is i do not recognize it  
DAVE: nor do i have any recollection of ever having gotten to a circumstance even remotely similar to this  
DAVE: nor do i have any idea of how such a circumstance could have ever occurred in any humanly conceivable way  
DAVE: i mean you dont even have to look at anything right here  
DAVE: just look at me

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Dave, from below; Skaia is visible]

DAVE: first and foremost as a human why am i flying  
DAVE: am i like a superhero  
DAVE: with superstrength  
DAVE: super  
DAVE: what is the power that gives you the ability to fly  
DAVE: super air resistance  
DAVE: probably thats not the actual word for it but whatever  
DAVE: and a personalized superhero outfit  
DAVE: complete with a cape and all  
DAVE: and even more completed as it was apparently designed by a comic book amateur  
DAVE: i mean i agree that red is a rad color n all  
DAVE: but what is that on my chest  
DAVE: is that a gear  
DAVE: introducing gearman  
DAVE: a superhero with absolutely no political connotations  
DAVE: whose power is to manipulate technology  
DAVE: and melt it to nonfunction  
DAVE: thats what the red means  
DAVE: it is most definitely not a nazi flag with the swastika removed and its circle edited to another shade of red  
DAVE: speaking of symbols for the sun  
DAVE: whats up with the sky  
DAVE: its like  
DAVE: black so you know the planet has no atmosphere  
DAVE: existing in a magicspace where i can breath and talk anyway  
DAVE: and a single cyan star  
DAVE: cy freakin an  
DAVE: yup lets just pick a random color from the star chart and use that as our stars color  
DAVE: until further notice im just going to assume that  
DAVE: that im a shitty vaguely offensive superhero in a shitty worldbuild by someone who thinks theyre a good comic book author and a good worldbuilder  
DAVE: but who in reality is just a doofus with a computer and a tablet  
DAVE: i guess im not horrifyingly disfigured so we can assume that our author knows anatomy as well  
DAVE: but as far as everything else is concerned theyre shit  
DAVE: lets check the rest of this shitty story out shall we

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: overview of what Dave can see; no bubbles denoting where the other characters are]

DAVE: as flight attendant and captain and sole customer of gearman airlines i am proud to present to you this place  
DAVE: we couldnt decide on a name since theres everything at once so its just  
DAVE: this place this world  
DAVE: i mean seriously  
DAVE: some green so i guess its a jungle  
DAVE: a parking lot for the future city  
DAVE: which is for some reason on top of a mountain  
DAVE: a volcano  
DAVE: and a lava pool  
DAVE: so that i as a superhero would actually have a job rescuin people  
DAVE: though apparently i got sick of it and we built a bridge  
DAVE: but then the bridge broke  
DAVE: so i guess i have a job again  
DAVE: thats the end of the overview what would you like to visit next  
DAVE: as a good comic book artist why dont i start from the left with the parking lot

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: closeup of where Jade's house used to be; Jane and Aranea are visible, though Jane is still asleep]

DAVE: oh boy  
DAVE: come on that can only be a parking lot for lego cars  
DAVE: also looks like this world actually has natives  
DAVE: i will now attempt to interrogate the natives  
ARANEA: Whoever you think you are, just stop that.  
DAVE: the interrogation is an astounding success  
DAVE: as this is a shitty comic book the aliens for our convenience actually speak english  
ARANEA: I said stop!  
ARANEA: You're not impressing anyone.  
DAVE: i guess youre right  
DAVE: im dave by the way  
DAVE: dave strider  
DAVE: alias gearman  
DAVE: and you would be  
ARANEA: Aranea.  
ARANEA: You kind of ruined your introduction 8y ram8ling, 8ut I guess I'll let it slide.  
DAVE: alright so  
DAVE: uh aranea  
DAVE: do you have any idea what this place is  
ARANEA: Unfortunately, no.  
ARANEA: It would seem that in the 8link of an eye, everything I knew a8out this place has 8een lost to the mist of time.  
DAVE: aw come on  
DAVE: is there anyone who can help us  
DAVE: like sleeping chick  
DAVE: maybe there are special rules to the magic amnesia that exclude sleeping people  
DAVE: aranea what do you say  
DAVE: should we wake her  
ARANEA: Go ahead.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Dave pushes Jane around a bit, but she continues to sleep]

DAVE: its not working  
ARANEA: Or you are just not trying enough.  
ARANEA: Let me show you how it's done.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Aranea pushes Jane so hard she rolls on the former floor a bit and begins showing signs of waking up]

DAVE: thanks m8  
ARANEA: Yup, I could definitely 8e your "m8". ;;;;)  
DAVE: whats with the 8 thing anyway  
ARANEA: It just kind of is the way I speak as a troll?  
ARANEA: I am not sure what angle you are approaching this question from.  
JANE: .  
DAVE: uh okay  
DAVE: i guess aliens are weird  
DAVE: lets just put it at that and move on until our chick wakes up  
ARANEA: So, actually getting the human female's attention it is.  
DAVE: that is most definitely not what i said but ok

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Aranea using her mind control]

JANE: OBEY.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Jane, in an upright position]

JANE: Jane Crocker, reporting for duty!  
DAVE: oh hi miss invader zim reference  
JANE: Are you deaf?  
JANE: I said I'm Jane Crocker, not "Invader Zim Reference".  
ARANEA: Out of curiosity, what's Invader Zim?  
DAVE: oh nothin just a human cartoon  
DAVE: i guess that humans are weird in a way too  
DAVE: that being said it would seem that there is more than one superhero around  
ARANEA: Stop calling them "superheroes" like it's a generic word.  
DAVE: is there somethin else i can call them  
DAVE: as pretty much the inventor of the english language im genuinely dissapointed  
ARANEA: 8arring the fact that you did not really invent English, your rank is called the God Tiers.

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Aranea, in the background of a classpect table]

DAVE: god tiers huh  
DAVE: yknow when you think about it thats even shittier than bein a superhero  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: superheroes at least rescue stuff and fight each other  
DAVE: what do gods do  
DAVE: JUST fight each other  
JANE: I am currently not fighting anyone.  
DAVE: yeah not always but  
DAVE: you get my point  
ARANEA: Do not try to find any other semantic meaning in what I said.  
ARANEA: You are clearly the one who suffered a greater memory loss, therefore, your rants will have to wait for my exposition.  
DAVE: ugh unbelievable  
DAVE: alright miss bossy fancydress  
ARANEA: While playing Sgru8, one typically gets a title composed out of two words, called a class and an aspect.  
DAVE: class  
DAVE: so i guess im not in a comic book but rather in an rpg  
ARANEA: May8e.  
ARANEA: Whether or not this is all a work of fiction is not my concern.  
ARANEA: At any rate, what one's class and aspect are can be told from what they wear when they reach the God Tiers.  
ARANEA: To cut to the chase, you are a Knight of Time and the other human is a Maid of Life.  
ARANEA: Though, I cannot explain the discoloration.  
ARANEA: Attire associated with the Life aspect should 8e 8eige, not 8right red.  
JANE: Maid of Life?  
JANE: I like that.  
DAVE: so you are tellin me thats what the gear means  
ARANEA: Yes.  
ARANEA: You are not "Gearman" or whatever you decided your alias was when you looked at yourself.  
DAVE: ok but  
DAVE: consider this counterproposal  
DAVE: what does a GEAR  
DAVE: have to do with TIME  
ARANEA: Despite my knowldege on the matter, I am not a 8ottomless well of wisdom.  
ARANEA: Needless to say, you are a Knight of Time.  
ARANEA: End of discussion.  
DAVE: ugh fine  
DAVE: though it does raise suspicion  
DAVE: if you know so much about the god classes  
ARANEA: God Tiers.  
DAVE: and if theyre actually like a common societal rung  
DAVE: i mean probably not since the name god should imply something  
DAVE: but when you look around and try and see who is a god tier  
DAVE: i am  
DAVE: jane is  
DAVE: and you know about them  
DAVE: are you one too

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Aranea switches from a Mindfang outfit to a Sylph of Light one]

ARANEA: Yes.  
ARANEA: Indeed, yes, I am.  
JANE: Duly noted.  
DAVE: and so you have a fancy rpg title too  
ARANEA: Sylph of Light.  
ARANEA: You're welcome. ;;;;)  
DAVE: mysteries solved  
DAVE: one out of pretty much infinity

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Dave, Jane and Aranea in sprite mode]

DAVE: speaking of mysteries  
DAVE: there is still the "did the magic amnesia affect sleeping people as well" mystery  
DAVE: yo jane  
JANE: I am listening.  
DAVE: do you have a recollection of this place  
DAVE: this idk  
JANE: No.  
DAVE: welp thats pretty much what i expected  
DAVE: now what  
DAVE: since no one knows what the hell is going on in this randomized dungeon  
DAVE: i guess we could try and jog our memories  
DAVE: give them a real workout so we slice vampires with our wits  
ARANEA: Don't you mean "rain8ow drinkers"?  
DAVE: yeah thats probably troll for vampire  
DAVE: but since magic amnesia got to jane too it most likely also knows a way to prevent us from remembering anything of significance  
DAVE: i cant even tell what whatever caused the magic amnesia even is  
DAVE: so with that option out of our way  
DAVE: should we fetch more people  
ARANEA: Seems as good an idea as any.  
JANE: I approve of the notion as well.  
DAVE: can we all fly  
DAVE: let me just doublecheck  
ARANEA: Indeed, I can.  
JANE: Affirmative.  
DAVE: awesome  
DAVE: aranny since your memory is preserved best you call the shots on where to go

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: Caliborn throwing his arms up in defense]

WAIT. DON'T KILL ME JUST YET.

I MEAN. LOOK. I HAD NO IDEA WHO YOU WERE OR KNOW ABOUT ALL THOSE THINGS I SUPPOSEDLY DID. UNTIL YOU TOLD ME. THAT, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I CAN DO. SO I'M PRETTY MUCH DEFENSELESS AGAINST YOU. AND KILLING ME WOULD BE THE EASIEST THING TO DO.

BUT ALSO. YOU SEEM TO BE LACKING KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE PREDICAMENT YOU ARE FACING. THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE BUT YOU SEEMS TO BE FACING A SORT OF AMNESIA. AND MAYBE JUST THIS ONCE. WE COULD BE ALLIES.

> [A6A6I3] TRUCE?

[Panel: Caliborn extending his arm]

yeah, you're right. i was getting all worked up for what i thought was righteous of me to do, even though i didn't know this amnesia thing was going on.

(if you really are basically the most major villain in existence, i guess we both will know when the time comes.)

sure. truce.

still makes me wonder, though...

> [A6A6I3] ====>

[Panel: John and Caliborn, in sprite mode, in Caliborn's Homosuck station]

i must have missed the part where you ever got acquainted with back to the future, or really anything from the human world. given that, maybe we can figure out what the deal with that is first.

let's start with the physical, shall we?

> [A6A6I3] OKAY.

since nothing physical was ever altered by the amnesia.

THIS LINE OF REASONING MAKES SENSE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since I won't be able to imitate Homestuck's art style perfectly, I figured, why even bother? That's why the panel/flash descriptions are there
> 
> there were two attempts in total to have Caliborn's Stories have an overarching plot: once, after 11 stories, I decided that Caliborn should do a huge revisit of Homestuck with characters he took from the previous works, and the other time, after 14 stories (incl. The Beginner's Guide), I decided that Homestuck being over WOULD affect Caliborn as he exists within Homestuck within Calliope and the Final Update (how did he escape for enough time to write Caliborn's Stories in the first place is anyone's guess)
> 
> but I think Caliborn's Stories read better when they DON'T have an overarching plot, since I'm posting them all over the place on FanFiction.Net
> 
> I will admit that the idea that Homestuck characters have amnesia mid-story and try to sort out all the bullshit that being a Homestuck character entails is pretty cool (oh, and there's a logic to amnesia: only everything in Homestuck (except for what John knows) is forgotten, hence why Dave, a main character, forgot almost everything, while Aranea, a minor character who tried to be major, is able to deliver exposition
> 
> the ending to this was meant to have a page called "But they refused." (completing the "But nobody came." reference to Undertale and serving as a bookend) as the characters escape their universe, and then "[A6A6I3] ====>" ad infinitum


	4. "HCSG stage grouping" (December 19, 2016)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: my Gmail drafts folder (plaintext), my drawer (picture)

Preface  
* this table of contents  
* character sheet

Loading Screen 2 - prologue stuff  
1\. First Steps - 1996-98, Calliope and Caliborn's origins  
2\. Shaky Beginnings - 2008, beta kids first meet (John/Jade)  
3\. ??? - 2008, John/Rose and John/Dave  
4\. Bunchup - 2008-12, Jade, Dave and Rose's 13ths  
5\. ??? - 2009-04-13, John's 13th  
6\. The New Universe - 2009-04-13, Karkat's session's conclusion  
7\. ??? - 2010, characters are first locked out of their chumhandles  
8\. ??? - 2011, characters (beta kids and trolls) are first recognized live (likely around Cascade)  
9\. ??? - 2012, Karkat dreams of [S] GAME OVER.  
10\. ??? - 2013, a failed attempt to get into Homestuck by one of the beta kids (possibly Dave)  
11\. ??? - 2014-12-01, HsCSG memo founded by ASBM  
12\. ??? - 2015, HsCSG discuss Homestuck characters invading them  
13\. ??? - 2016, HsCSG group agrees to never participate in roleplay after a roleplay incident  
14\. ??? - 2016 late/2017 early, beta kids pre-move

Stage 7: Back and Better than Ever

1\. 414-I - beta kids on their memo  
2\. 414-II - ASBM and Kanaya interrupt the memo  
3\. 414-III - Rose/Kanaya first meeting  
4\. 415-I - unveiling of Crockertier ASBM  
5\. 415-II - Crockertier ASBM's motivatioms  
6\. 415-III - Karkat enters the HsCSG memo  
7\. 415-IV - Rose tells SE Asians of her blog, Karkat first opens the HbCSG memo  
8\. 415-V - Rose/Karkat convo  
9\. 415-VI - Dave's feeling left out, unveiling of Hussie's second body  
10\. 415-VII - Rose returns, John also joins the HsCSG memo  
11\. 415-VIII (X) - beginnings of a HbCSG team with Karkat/Kanaya  
12\. 415-IX (XI) - HbCSG, Karkat begins telling his story  
13\. 415-X (XII) - HsCSG, Americans join, Rose begins judging SP  
14\. 415-XI (XIII) - HbCSG, Dave joins, troll name backstory

Stage 8: Hiveswap/Undertale  
1\. Warm Tropics, Cold Feet - Feferi joins Team Evil  
2\. Brave New Day - Calliope attempts getting in with Hussie, Shelby's debut  
3\. Apathy - Calliope and Rose meet, in-universe origins for "Calliope's Update Girl"  
4\. Envisioned - Mom reveals her documents from her old studies  
5\. Problems with the Design - Rose realizes Jade and Calliope are not caught up with the Homestuck read  
6\. Villains - Condesce, Feferi and Crockertier ASBM hang out  
7\. 415-XII (VIII) - Rose/Kanaya second convo  
8\. 415-XIII (IX) - Rose/Crockertier ASBM/Condesce convo  
9\. Acquainted - Rose, Calliope and Crockertier ASBM meet in real life  
10\. Incidental - Crockertier ASBM goes back, Toby/Joey introduction  
11\. Casa de Strider - Calliope begins chilling at Dave's, Hussie, Toby, Joey and Shelby meet  
12\. Chara's Greenlight Child - Toby's daydream during Joey's story  
13\. Hauntswitch - Hussie takee everyone to Joey's old mansion  
14\. Goodbyes - Hussie leads everyone to their respective homes

Stage 9: The Adventures of Thomas and Carl (ideally, should alternate between HsCSG and HbCSG)

1\. 415-XIV - HsCSG  
2\. 415-XV - HbCSG  
3\. 415-XVI - HsCSG  
4\. 415-XVII - HbCSG  
5\. 415-XVIII - HsCSG  
6\. 415-XIX - HbCSG  
7\. 415-XX - HsCSG  
8\. 415-XXI - HbCSG  
9\. 415-XXII - HsCSG  
10\. 415-XXIII - HbCSG  
11\. 415-XXIV - HsCSG  
12\. 415-XXV - HbCSG  
13\. 415-XXVI - HsCSG end  
14\. 415-XXVII - HbCSG end

\--

Calliope's Update Girl: Three is a /Crowd/ but /Two/ is Just Fine

"Rose Lalonde was not of the leading type. Yet, two days ago, she had taken it upon herself to lead what she provisionally called "the Homestuck Character Support Group". She had faced many troubles during said leadership, but she thinks she finally gets it. The only way she can be a leader is by being in front of a projected image. Third fanfic in the Calliope's Update Girl series."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see, another thing that I originally made for my own eyes made it into CUG in some form
> 
> THE (clapping hands emoji) CALLIOPE'S (clapping hands emoji) UPDATE (clapping hands emoji) GIRL (clapping hands emoji) CHARACTERS (clapping hands emoji) HAVE (clapping hands emoji) NEVER (clapping hands emoji) READ (clapping hands emoji) HOMESTUCK (clapping hands emoji) PRIOR (clapping hands emoji) TO (clapping hands emoji) THE (clapping hands emoji) PLOT (clapping hands emoji) OF (clapping hands emoji) THE (clapping hands emoji) FIC
> 
> (so tables work in AO3 but emoji don't; well, that's great news)
> 
> the thing that looks like the disease awareness symbol is actually an &; since & does not exist in Lithuanian, when learning to handwrite it, I just copied how it was written in fonts, and turns out, it's kind of difficult to reproduce in handwriting


	5. "Calliope's Update Girl Q&A Evening #2" (January 31, 2017)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: my Gmail drafts folder

Welcome to the second essay on Calliope's Update Girl and its intricate universe.

You might remember that the first time [<http://calliopes-update-girl.tumblr.com/post/120919076293/on-hussie-the-cancer-and-a-whole-bunch-of-other>], I wrote an essay as normally as I could, but for the second part I transitioned into having a bunch of questions I made up myself. I am open to questions asked by you, as long as they are not "what's going to happen next" or variations thereof, but unfortunately, I am still writing this for, like, seven people, most of whom aren't exactly great conversational partners. (I can always dream, though, of a scene like this [<http://archiveofourown.org/works/2703128/chapters/20307565>].)

That being said, let's just conclude this quick introduction and get right into the fictional questions.

\--

"What's going to happen next? Or variations thereof."

...Nice try.

I already answered a variation of this question on the first essay. Go look it up.

\--

"[character] already knows about Homestuck, and is just pretending not to." - the Calliope's Update Girl TV Tropes page

No. At least not in the way that you're thinking.

 

\--

"hey / memo story kid / your still tha cancer rite / or at least part of it" - Her Imperious Condescension

Sorry to break it to you, Condy, but you are wrong.

While we're on this topic, I could talk about how calling myself "the cancer" is possibly the ultimate form of self-deprecation, I think it's time to put that aside and analyze how the ever-ominous "the cancer" works.

In Homestuck, that is easily answered: the cancer is Bec Noir, and since he is a carapace, he can live on indefinitely until... well, actually, according to the MSPA Wiki, he never dies. So... yeah.

In Calliope's Update Girl, a fic with no Sburb session planned just yet, that is not the case. The cancer

\--

Want more stuff like this? The ask box is right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not even gonna finish that sentence; so savage
> 
> yeah it would seem that "what is the cancer, precisely" is another issue I flip-flop on, just as "have the Homestuck characters read Homestuck prior to 2017", and while the answer to the latter is clearly "no", the answer to the former is not clearly "Hussie and Hussie only", as we've seen evidence to the contrary *coughcoughRandall*


	6. "HCSG" (April 12, 2017)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: my Gmail drafts folder

"And that's what happened! So, Toby, what do you think?" Joey triumphantly exclaimed after telling what was, without a single doubt, a story that enthralled both Hussie and Shelby.

Unfortunately for Joey, it seemed that Toby had, up until this point, been in his own crazy world, as seen from the fact that he took a while to re-engage with the surroundings. "Wh-wha?" he murmured.

"See? His own trance." Hussie concluded.

"Your story?" Toby continued, not paying attention to Hussie. "Oh, I know all of it. I do write the music for Hiveswap, you know. And it's great! It's great."

"Nevermind the fact that Hiveswap hasn't been released yet?" Despite being thrown out of the loop, Hussie quickly jumped back into it and continued, pretending that he had always planted his ass into the loop first and then let everything follow. "Joey's adventure encompasses all four acts. Or thereabouts. And we're still struggling to release Act 1. Now that she's told the story, I have a better hang on where the act divides will be, but there's still nothing definite and set in stone."

"You know, wouldn't it be better if I could just show you everything in my old house and talk about it that way?" Joey suddenly had a thought, but then had to retract it as she realized something. "Nah, it could never happen. We would need to arrange flights again and..."

"I can give us all a lift." Hussie said, leading everyone to look weird at him. "Look, it's not like you met me yesterday. You know that I have authorial powers. Look at this house, for one. It has a second floor now!"

Toby looked around Hussie's house. True to his word, he noticed a staircase and went up on it, once again. He was greeted by a selection of rooms themed after Homestuck characters, and laughed a bit. Once the 4/13 rigmarole was over, he was definitely going to ask Hussie to make a similar thing, but with Undertale characters instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this would have been the "Hauntswitch" chapter mentioned before
> 
> there is also a print version of this but unfortunately I didn't write anything on it (why are there even print versions of some of my notes? Well, once I was admitted to hospital, I assumed I'd have no internet there, so I printed out what, back then, were the most important CUG and Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame notes to me)
> 
> also there is a difference between the print and electronic versions of this note, and that is "Nevermind the fact that Hiveswap hasn't been released yet?", which, in the print version, reads "That was only Act 1.", and I think there is a pretty solid reason for why that was changed
> 
> anyway, since you've been through with me so far: AUDITION TIME
> 
> if for some reason you want to become the New Official Author of Calliope's Update Girl, you can try and complete this chapter, with the following requirements:
> 
> * must be at least 1,000 words long, according to FanFiction.Net (might be just slightly longer, as I tend to do, or a full-blown book-styled chapter)  
> * may or may not use what was written above (which WOULD be included in your word count, but would also require you to at least try and imitate my style)  
> * must hit these plot points:  
> ** "And that's what happened! So, Toby, what do you think?" MUST be included as a line by Joey, as it appears in the previous chapter, ["Chara's Greenlight Child"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2703128/chapters/19476508)  
> ** Hussie takes Joey, Shelby and Toby to Half-Harley Manor (think how he took the beta kids to his house both in Calliope and the Final Update and Calliope's Update Girl)  
> ** Half-Harley Manor has been abandoned; Jake and Roxy happily live with Jade and Rose respectively in Easthampton, while Joey and Jude have moved on to their own family lives  
> ** Joey comments on objects in Half-Harley Manor (you will want to have played Hiveswap Act 1 for this, as familiarity with how Joey from 1994 comments on stuff should elucidate how Joey from 2017 comments on stuff)  
> ** the characters will NOT return (yet); them returning to their homes is the plot of the next chapter, "Goodbyes" (though, if you want to write that as well, go ahead, but keep in mind that BOTH your "Hauntswitch" and your "Goodbyes" must exceed 1,000 words per FanFiction.Net)  
> ** if you do write a "Goodbyes", in addition to Hussie, Joey, Shelby and Toby returning to their homes, it should have Calliope leave Dave's house and Rose write [this blog post](http://calliopes-update-girl.tumblr.com/post/166773256983/um-well)  
> * Jude may or may not appear, but will almost certainly be mentioned  
> * Xefros and Dammek CANNOT appear; the assumption for Joey's (not Hiveswap's; YOU try telling me that Rose experienced the same stuff in Homestuck and Update Girl) plot here is that she and Dammek simply return to their home planets, even though you want everyone to end up at Earth C (and [I don't](http://istrige-namuose.tumblr.com/post/166715149113/why-the-hiveswap-characters-wont-be-making-it-to), to say nothing of the fact that the planet that would become Earth C doesn't even exist in the Update Girl universe)  
> * you have to make (and announce to me) a decision: either you want to continue The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2) with the chapters I have written, or you want to work with me on writing a complete reboot of the Update Girl verse, just as the Update Girl verse is a complete reboot of Calliope and the Final Update (though, if you choose the latter, you MUST still write out the "Hauntswitch" chapter (the "Goodbyes" chapter is not necessary))
> 
> and once you've written it, submit it to [this blog](http://istrige-namuose.tumblr.com/), while announcing your intentions as a comment to this chapter (the only deadline is my own death)
> 
> and this is a stipulation once you become the New Official Author of Calliope's Update Girl, if you do not decide on a reboot:
> 
> * if you don't already have a self-insert, you CANNOT have one (not that you can self-insert in this chapter, unless you want your self-insert to be hiding in Half-Harley Manor for whatever reason, which I honestly can't understand)


	7. "hcsgame/resource/Dialogue.docx" (May 13, 2017)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Source: the same folder I kept everything else related to CUG in, with an indication in this chapter's title that it's a subfolder; GitHub (briefly)

# SETTING INFORMATION

 

DATE: 2017 04 16 - Sunday

 

TIME:

\- UTC: 13:00

\- Jade's Island: 1:00 AM

\- Hawaii: 3:00 AM

\- West Coast: 6:00 AM

\- East Coast: 9:00 AM

\- Switzerland: 3:00 PM

\- Lithuania: 4:00 PM

\- Indonesia/Philippines: 9:00 PM

 

\----

 

# HELP TOOLTIP

 

WASD or arrows to walk, E or mouse to interact.

 

All coding and writing done by ASBusinessMagnet, except for that one

 

time when my brother barged in and told me everything I coded was wrong.

 

\----

 

# FLAVOR TEXT - PART 1: AS ROSE

## 1a: Easthampton

 

### HUSSIE'S DOOR

(environmental variable: how many conversations has Rose had, including:

  1. Homestuck Fan (talk)
  2. Homestuck Fan (be)
  3. Mom
  4. Calliope
  5. Dave
  6. Jade
  7. Karkat (post-memo)
  8. Kanaya
  9. The Condesce (ASBM conversation does _not_ progress this env_var)
  10. Rose's memo
  11. Karkat's memo)



 

#### (0:)

Trying to get in contact with Hussie has already proved to be disastrous.

 

You'd rather not.

 

#### (1 if checked at 0:)

If you actually decided to check Hussie's door after one conversation

 

just to see if it would have any effect, congratulations. You just figured out

 

the secret to this game, which is to peruse every single conversation until

 

Hussie's door opens. Now go for it.

 

#### (1 otherwise:)

There is still no purpose of ever opening this door in the indeterminate

 

future. All of Hussie's secrets are on his website and his comic.

 

#### (2 if checked at 1 and 0:)

That's it. Keep going. I will stop with the meta commentary from this point on,

 

and you can truly immerse yourself as Rose progressively loses all hope.

 

I mean, as Rose you have no idea what you just thought, and that worries you.

 

#### (2 otherwise:)

Instead of going to Hussie's door, why

don't you try mspaintadventures.com?

 

It's practically the same thing.

 

#### (3:)

Something still compels you to check this door. Is it the lack of friendship

 

you had throughout the years? No, you think, your three Internet friends have

 

supplied you with a limitless amount of friendship.

 

#### (4:)

You are reminded that your friends are in the same predicament as you are,

 

being Homestuck characters at all. They don't need to be brought into this, and

 

neither do you.

 

#### (5:)

This is a battle you cannot go on alone.

You resist ringing.

 

#### (6:)

With how little support you have, maybe you will have to go there and confront

 

Hussie alone after all.

 

#### (7:)

Maybe there is more to Hussie than could be thought of from first impressions.

 

#### (8:)

You wonder if Hussie could potentially understand you more than anyone else.

 

You consider the fact that he did write all your dialogue in Homestuck.

 

#### (9:)

Now that you've seen a lot of what your friends and the trolls are actually

 

composed of, reading Homestuck seems like a more viable choice than talking

 

to any one of them. Congratulations on reaching this point, Rose.

 

You are really proud of yourself.

...Not.

 

#### (10:)

You are getting pretty desperate for possibilities now.

 

You must still hold out for as long as

you can.

 

#### (11 if never checked:)

Clever. You seem to have figured this game out before I could even tell you

 

anything. Or is it that you're not playing for the first time? In either

 

case, since you're here for the ending, here goes.

 

Rose rings on Hussie's door.

THE END

 

#### (11 otherwise:)

Yup. Looks like you've exhausted all other possibilities, and have no choice

 

but to spend however long it's going to take with Hussie, reading Homestuck.

 

You ring on Hussie's door.

THE END

 

### CHERUBS' DOOR

While Caliborn isn't exactly much for company, maybe you can visit Calliope?

 

Ring on the cherubs' door?

Yes                 No

 

#### (Yes: go to Rose/Calliope conversation)

 

### DAVE'S DOOR

#### (Normal)

Even though he is always chill, you think Dave would be chiller alone.

 

#### (If Rose pestered him)

Or with the trolls. That works too.

 

#### (If Rose pestered him but didn't check him)

He doesn't need you. He has the trolls.

 

### ROSE'S DOOR (OUTSIDE)

#### (Normal)

This is your own house. You laugh at anyone who would think otherwise.

 

Enter?

Yes                 No

 

#### (If just exited)

What are you trying to achieve by stepping through this door again

 

and again?

 

Enter anyway?

Yes                 No

 

### JOHN'S DOOR

#### (Normal)

Even though John would provide good company, you probably can't reciprocate.

 

#### (If Rose attempted pestering him)

You know he's still asleep, and it's not his birthday so there is no reason to

 

wake him up. Go away.

 

### JADE'S DOOR

#### (Normal)

What would Jade even do at this time? Play Minecraft with Dave again?

 

She, too, is best left alone.

 

#### (If Rose pestered her)

You begin considering whether or not you have prognostication powers.

 

#### (If Rose pestered her but didn't check her)

You know exactly what she is doing, and you knew it from the get go.

 

### OTHER DOORS

You are still yet to get acquainted with whoever lives here. You are betting,

 

though, that at least one person in each household is a Homestuck fan.

 

### NORTHERN STREET

If you felt adventurous enough, you could walk this street to Boston and

 

try and find Karkat, like he found you. You're not sure if you would succeed,

 

though, and there is zero point to both going on the journey and persevering.

 

### WESTERN STREET

That looks to be the road to the local shopping center.

 

You do not need to shop for anything at the time, though.

 

### SOUTHERN STREET

You don't even want to come close to whatever "TopatoCo" is.

 

### HOMESTUCK FAN

What is it about Homestuck fans that powers them to be excited at all times?

 

What will you do with the Homestuck fan?

Talk to her     Be her     Kill her

 

#### (Kill:)

Did you just seriously try and trigger {this game}'s genocide route?

 

Because not only it doesn't have one, but you do not have any even remotely

 

usable weapons with yourself.

 

#### (if Rose has her laptop)

 

...

but the only even remotely usable weapon

 

that you have with yourself doubles as a priceless electronic piece.

 

#### (if Rose returns to get her laptop)

Haha. I see. You brought something to kill the Homestuck fan with, which is

 

actually a laptop which also happens to be the only thing you can pick up in

 

this game.

Still not letting you kill her.

 

#### (Kill x2)

This is not a fantasy Underworld; this is civilization which can arrest you.

 

#### (Kill x3)

It's not like I can ever give in. This is simple code that allows me to just

 

not let you kill her.

Look, I didn't even program in a

 

fighting system, so it's not like you can actually succeed in killing her.

 

#### (Kill x4)

Why, you then ask, did I program the dialogue to change every time you try?

 

#### (Kill x5)

Because I want you to try and reconsider your choice.

 

#### (Kill x6)

There are literally two other options for you to select. Are you blind?

 

#### (Kill x7)

On second thought, perhaps you are.

 

(On third thought, that could be insulting to actual blind people.

 

Terezi, do you take offense? Oh, wait, I forgot, she's not in this game.)

 

#### (Kill x8 through x10)

...

 

#### (Kill x11)

You leave me no choice. Next time you go to the Homestuck fan, there will no

 

longer be an option to kill her. Then, _you_ can explain your thinking to her.

 

\----

 

What will you do with the Homestuck fan?

Talk to her         Be her

 

\----

 

## 1b: Rose's house

 

### OUTSIDE DOOR

#### (First time entering)

Maybe it's time to get some fresh air.

 

Exit? [Yes/No]

 

#### (Normal)

Or maybe you're just aimlessly walking around everywhere.

 

Exit? [Yes/No]

 

#### (If just entered)

You literally just stepped through this door seconds ago, and you're fully aware

 

of this fact.

Exit anyway? [Yes/No]

 

### BATHROOM

You won't be needing to go here for a while.

 

### KITCHEN

You already ate breakfast.

 

### MOM'S ROOM - ENTRANCE

Is that...

 

Crying?

Enter? [Yes/No]

 

### MOM'S ROOM - EXIT

#### (if not conversed)

You are going to stay here and figure out what is wrong, right now.

 

#### (if conversed)

Maybe, on her own terms, she really is fine.

 

Exit? [Yes/No]

 

### MOM'S DRAWERS

Nothing to see here. At least, nothing that you didn't give to Calliope.

 

### MOM'S SCIENCE EQUIPMENT

You feel like these tubes are filled with more liquor.

 

### MOM'S BED

You sit down for about three seconds before getting up.

 

### BOXES

Still have to unpack everything. Maybe when you're suddenly not fictional.

 

### ROSE'S BED

You're not sure what trying to sleep is going to achieve when it's 9 AM.

 

### ROSE'S POSTERS

Now that you think about it, your interests didn't change at all during

 

the past eight years, and hanging out in your personal space is just boring.

 

### ROSE'S LAPTOP

This is your laptop.

 

You could use it right here and remain connected to the Internet, including

 

Tumblr and your Pesterchum memo. You could also take it with you and

 

bring it somewhere else, but you probably want that to be another place

 

with reliable WiFi.

What will you do?

[Use here/Take/Not now]

 

#### (If laptop is taken)

Thinking back, even with all their inconveniences, sylladices would be

 

useful in this case.

You are holding your LAPTOP.

 

#### (If laptop is placed back down in Rose's room)

On the other hand, you are literally nothing without an Internet connection.

 

Especially since most of your current acquaintances are not a few steps away.

 

Still, moving here made an improvement to that figure, so you might make use

 

of it without superficial technological interference.

 

#### (If laptop is picked up after being placed down)

Your indecision in even the most basic of life's choices is starting to unnerve

 

you.

Once again, you are holding your LAPTOP.

 

\----

 

## 1c: Rose's laptop (if used with WiFi)

 

### WALLPAPER

Still serves you well. It's not like you're a different person now.

 

### STEAM ICON

For a moment, you think of downloading and playing Undertale, but then you

 

realize that if you wanted to play Undertale, you wouldn't have {this

 

game} opened in the first place.

 

### SAFARI ICON

An Internet browser, on its own, is kind of useless if you do not have any idea

 

on which site do you want to visit. Try the three icons to this one's right.

 

### MSPA WIKI ICON

If you wanted to peruse the MSPA Wiki, you would also do it outside of this

 

game's context. That means that the only really viable option is...

 

### DUOLINGO ICON

You already did your daily share of lessons, this morning, and as for a new

 

language... just... no. That means that the only really viable option is...

 

(grayscale is displayed if and only if both MSPA Wiki and Duolingo have been selected)

 

#### (if selected once)

You have just realized that Duolingo, besides being a language learning site,

 

is also another way to reach ASBusinessMagnet. It is not a very

 

viable one, though, especially since he's online on the more convenient

 

Pesterchum.

You exit Duolingo.

 

### TUMBLR ICON

What would you even post here? "Not only I am currently a fictional character,

 

but I am currently being manipulated by a hypothetical RPG fan. Just so you

 

know."?

[Great idea/You can do better]

 

#### (if "Great idea" is selected)

Alright.

{Tumblr link}

 

#### (if "You can do better" is selected)

((if some conversations haven't been selected))

Once you've gathered more information. You exit Tumblr.

 

((if all conversations have been selected))

Nope; even after you've gathered all the information within your reach,

 

you're still empty.

You exit Tumblr.

 

#### (after posting)

What would you even post here? _Besides_ "Not only I am currently a fictional

 

character, but I am currently being manipulated by a hypothetical RPG fan.

 

Just so you know.", since you already posted that. And look, it has a reblog.

 

Satisfied with yourself, you exit Tumblr.

 

### PESTERCHUM ICON

After all, you are kind of the spiritual leader of your support group, and there

 

are people worth contacting outside of it.

 

Enter Pesterchum? [Yes/No]

 

### FINDER ICON

Your old writing is simply not worth looking at right now, in this tumultuous

 

time in your life.

 

\----

 

## 1d: Pesterchum (if Rose's laptop is used with WiFi)

 

### PESTERCHUM - MAIN WINDOW

This looks like a good place to start.

 

(Rose's chumhandle is tentacleTherapist995)

 

### ADD CHUM

You do not have John, Dave or Jade on your chumroll, as you know that if they

 

have logged on, they would not be where they were yesterday.

 

Look up a chumhandle?

[John/Dave/Jade/Not now]

 

#### (John:)

It doesn't seem that John has woken up yet, so you cannot find his chumhandle.

 

Well. That is one out.

(upon further inspection, John is gone from the list)

 

#### (Dave:)

turntehcGodhead. Still going with swapping two letters in what it

 

originally was.

Pester Dave? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

Don't want him to be forced to tab out of Minecraft. Or Karkat's memo.

 

Whichever one of them it is now.

 

#### (Jade:)

guardianGnostic. A bit hard to guess, but hey, it's still GG, so it works.

 

Pester Jade? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

Let the dreamy girl dream on.

 

#### (Not now: (if John hasn't been selected))

Why don't we try something more... exotic.

 

#### (Not now: (if John has been selected))

You are sure that they are enjoying each other's company without you.

 

### CHUMROLL

#### \-- canceroGeneticist

You hover over this name, knowing fully well that since you're on a different

 

chumhandle from when he banned you, you could circumvent the ban, but he would

 

not be happy.

Pester Karkat? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

Let the troll kid shout to his echo chamber with those of his kin.

 

#### \-- canceroGeneticist (after first conversation)

If Karkat has anything to say, he probably would say it on his memo, not

 

to you.

 

#### \-- canceroGeneticist (after first conversation and his memo)

You are still not losing hope.

Pester Karkat? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

This is going to be a difficult conversation either way.

 

#### \-- canceroGeneticist (after post-memo conversation)

While you could log out and log in with a different chumhandle just to have

 

another chance at convincing him to act better, he doesn't seem to budge.

 

Eight years on an alien planet would make you feel the same way too.

 

#### \-- grimmeAuxiliary

As you heard from Dave, Kanaya and co. seem to be in their own group, which

 

sounds like a good place to gather further information, as well as form a

 

stronger bond.

Pester Kanaya? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

Going with the conversation that will turn out the most positively might not

 

be the most interesting path.

 

#### \-- grimmeAuxiliary (after conversation)

Now now. While you and Kanaya may be on good terms, you don't want to suddenly

 

begin hogging all her time only two days after your first conversation.

 

#### \-- aperturescienceBusinessmagnet

You wonder if he is still into his creepy, condescending robot shtick,

 

or if he's finally learned to act slightly more civilized for a memo

 

leader and story author.

Pester ASBusinessMagnet? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

His fans would probably tell you more of his evil plans than he would.

 

#### \-- aperturescienceBusinessmagnet (after first conversation)

While he is definitely out of touch with reality, maybe the Condesce

 

can be convinced to not just molest whoever she sees on sight.

Pester ASBusinessMagnet? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

(if Karkat has been talked to)

If anything, she will prove to be more stubborn than even Karkat.

 

(if Karkat hasn't been talked to)

Whatever her powers are, they might be too much for you to handle.

 

#### \-- aperturescienceBusinessmagnet (after Condesce conversation)

Nope. The Condesce has far too many tricks up her sleeves.

 

#### \-- scatteredPhilosopher

You've judged Phil already, and unless she does something atrocious once again,

 

you wouldn't learn anything of note from her.

 

#### \-- cryptologicalMystic

#### \-- draconianNeptune

#### \-- genericTranslator

#### \-- gsunnyDragonlover6

#### \-- savvyKiddo

#### \-- unstopableSmiley

As with all other people whose chumhandles you gathered from your

 

Support Group memo, this one is a complete mystery for you, and you're

 

not sure of what to expect should you click "PESTER!".

 

#### \-- turntehcGodhead

#### \-- guardianGnostic (if they have been added)

Pester xxxx? [Yes/No]

 

(No:)

(repeat their flavor text from "ADD CHUM")

 

#### \-- turntehcGodhead (after conversation)

(if it was "last")

For now, it would be for the best if you followed on the implicit promise you

 

gave Dave.

 

(otherwise)

Knowing your status within Karkat's memo, Dave is your only hope of ever

 

getting to know anything from the trolls.

 

Other than, of course, Kanaya.

 

### BLOCK

#### \-- if no one has been selected yet

Unfortunately, you haven't formed a grudge against the dark, unforgiving

 

void, to say nothing of the fact that it probably can't be blocked.

 

#### \-- turntehcGodhead

#### \-- guardianGnostic (if they have been added)

xxxx is your friend. Also, blocking someone who is constantly changing

 

chumhandles is not the best idea ever.

 

(if Karkat has been talked to)

...

chumhandles is not the best idea ever, as you have learned from experience.

 

### PESTER! (if no one is selected yet)

To pester someone, you first have to know whom to pester.

 

Or not, as some of those pesky Homestuck fans have shown.

 

Still, you're not adventurous enough to go into a ChatRoulette session.

 

### PESTER! (if someone has been selected)

(repeat that person's message)

 

### MOODS

These don't even really mean anything worth conveying outside of a typical

 

instant messaging context.

 

### CLIENT -> MEMOS

So far, only two memos are of primary interest to you: your own and Karkat's.

 

Which one would you like to go to first?

 

[Your own/Karkat's/None yet]

 

#### (Your own:)

You hesitate to go on the memo, though, as you will no doubt be met by the...

 

"Update Gravestone" fans. And, in the progress, your own gravestone as well.

 

[You're overreacting/Yeah, you're right]

 

(Yeah, you're right:)

Isn't it nice to agree with yourself for once?

 

#### (Karkat's:)

Even if you're not particularly welcome there by a majority of its participants?

 

[What could happen?/Yeah, better to hold out]

 

(Yeah, better to hold out:)

That's what you thought.

 

#### (None yet:)

That's right. You will found a brand new Homestuck Character Support Group memo.

 

With blackjack. And hookers.

 

(You are not considering the possibility seriously, though.)

 

\----

 

## 1e: Rose's laptop (if used without WiFi)

 

### STEAM ICON

For a moment, you think of downloading and playing Undertale, but then you

 

realize that if you wanted to play Undertale, you wouldn't have {this

 

game} opened in the first place.

Not to mention you can't download

 

Undertale right now.

 

### SAFARI ICON

An Internet browser, on its own, is kind of useless if you do not have an

 

Internet connection. Try and avoid the three icons to this one's right.

 

### MSPA WIKI/DUOLINGO/TUMBLR

#### (if Safari has been selected immediately prior)

What did I just say?

 

#### (if Safari hasn't been selected)

You're offline.

 

### PESTERCHUM ICON

#### (if Safari has been selected immediately prior)

Nice try. Unfortunately, the only difference between IRC and HTTP is

 

that they use different ports, meaning that you still can't use it without

 

Internet.

 

#### (if Safari hasn't been selected, but MSPA Wiki/Duolingo/Tumblr have)

Still offline. Something hints you that you don't have to be, though.

 

#### (if neither has been selected)

You're offline. Something hints you that you don't have to be, though.

 

### FINDER ICON

You could theoretically use the lack of an Internet connection as inspiration

 

for writing outside of your typical context. If it was practically possible,

 

though, you could use your own house. That you moved into four days ago.

 

\----

 

# FLAVOR TEXT - PART 2: AS HOMESTUCK FAN

 

\----

 

## 2a: Easthampton

 

### HUSSIE'S DOOR

#### (if env_var is 11)

Um, you kinda need to be Rose to win this game. You know, Rose rings on

 

Hussie's door, he lets her in and they begin reading Homestuck from Act 2.

 

You can't really do that as a random Homestuck fan from Easthampton.

 

Go to Rose and be her.

 

#### (otherwise)

As much as you love Hussie, he does not love you back. Not even his closest fans

 

right here in Easthampton have found a way to his heart.

 

### CHERUBS' DOOR

#### (if first time checking)

You kind of remember this place being the one where those alien kids were-

 

Wait. Are they from Homestuck as well?

You can't resist to ring.

 

CALIBORN: FuCK OFF.

 

CALIBORN: IF ANYTHING. YOu ARE EVEN WORSE. THAN ANNOYING BLABBERMOuTH.

 

Confirmed. Though...

 

You don't want to bother Caliborn, lest he make your life more miserable than

 

Act 7 has.

You take a moment to look back on Act 7.

 

Good thing the epilogue and Hiveswap are on the way, and are going to at least

 

partially remedy that.

 

#### (otherwise)

(repeat last three lines)

 

### KIDS' DOORS

This house was for sale recently. You wonder if Rose and the others moved in?

 

While that is more than likely the case, for this house you just can't guess

 

who will answer the door.

(Except for Rose. She is outside, and

 

will not answer, even if you do find her house by pure luck.)

 

### OTHER DOORS

You don't know everyone in this city, okay?

 

### NORTHERN STREET

The city ends shortly after going to this street. It's a shame Homestuck Fan

 

Town doesn't extend forever, but hey, not all dreams can come true.

 

### WESTERN STREET

The idea of a quaint little community is ruined when walking to your school

 

already means a long and adventurous walk each time it happens.

 

### SOUTHERN STREET

While TopatoCo is here, a) they no longer sell Homestuck stuff and b) it's

 

not like you can just go there and buy something; you have to do it online.

 

It was convenient when you didn't need to go through post to receive stuff

 

shipped from here, though.

 

\----

 

# FLAVOR TEXT - PART 3: AS ASBUSINESSMAGNET - N/A

(unlocked after the game has been completed once)

 

\----

 

# CONV_0001: Rose & Homestuck Fan (Talk to)

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: so ive heard rumors going around...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: is it true?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: are you like...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: the REAL rose lalonde?

 

ROSE: Yes.

 

ROSE: The real, yet somehow fictional, Rose Lalonde.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: not a cosplayer?

 

ROSE: No.

 

ROSE: Shall I procure evidence for the preceding fact?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: no i totally believe you its just that...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: you do kind of realize that for me...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: its kind of a BIG deal?

 

ROSE: I am fully aware of the implications of meeting your own \\\

 

ROSE: favorite heroes from literature, thank you very much.

 

ROSE: Let's take this in as calmly as humanly possible.

 

ROSE: Is there a pressing matter you would like to get over with, \\\

 

ROSE: presuming this is really a Homestuck character standing here?

 

ROSE: Say, ask me a question?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: haha where do i begin?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: yeah actually

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: where DO i begin?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: lets be honest youre not particularly one of my favorites

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: i dont like the beta kids all that much

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: maybe someone like dirk or eridan would be more suited for me

 

ROSE: I have no idea who they are, but if you have a question for them, \\\

 

ROSE: I may be able to note it and forward it to them at a later date.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: nevermind

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: im just TOO excited you know?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: i mean living next door to hussie is ALREADY exciting

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: but you?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: and the others, like the beta kids and calliope?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: im sorry i cant do it

 

ROSE: Understood.

 

ROSE: We will continue once the initial shock of discovery has died down.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: see you then!

 

ROSE: See you around.

 

## (if selected again:)

 

She won't get any less excited in mere minutes, so you leave her alone.

 

You can think of a lot of characters who still have to lighten up to Homestuck

 

fans, though...

(People. You mean people.)

 

\----

 

# CONV_0001a: Rose & Homestuck Fan (Be)

 

## (if Rose has talked to her)

 

ROSE: If you do not have any queries towards any of us, \\\

 

## (if Rose hasn't talked to her)

 

ROSE: Greetings.

 

ROSE: I know that this might sound a bit nonsensical coming from me, but \\\

 

## (in all cases)

 

ROSE: I would like to submit a query of my own.

 

ROSE: Granted, I have zero idea if this could even potentially work, but \\\

 

ROSE: I've figured that I might as well give it a shot anyway.

 

ROSE: Would you mind if I were to be you?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: im sorry what?

 

ROSE: Ahem.

 

ROSE: I would like to be you.

  
ROSE: *She enunciated each word as clearly as she could.*

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: !!!!!!!!

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: oooooooooooh

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: like in homestuck

  
HOMESTUCK FAN: you just be someone else and the POV switches from you to them

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: im not sure how it would work in real life though...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: would we just swap consciousnesses?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: oh my god even if i dont like you that much being you is still \\\

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: better than not being a homestuck character at all!

 

ROSE: It is agreed, then.

 

You are now the HOMESTUCK FAN.

 

\----

 

# CONV_0001b: Rose & Homestuck Fan (after trying to kill her)

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: youve been standing here for a while

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: is anything wrong?

 

ROSE: Just some weird thoughts.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: care to elaborate?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: maybe you need some support instead of trying to rely on \\\

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: yourself as a specialist at all times

 

ROSE: Perhaps you are right.

 

ROSE: You might not like what I say next, though.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: im ready for everything

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: its not like im not prepared for what a beta kid would say!

 

ROSE: Did you just demean me for my status within the webcomic?

 

ROSE: ...Sorry, I am getting derailed.

 

ROSE: Here goes.

 

ROSE: For some reason, I had repeated thoughts about killing you.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: oh

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: i see

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: this is why i dont like you that much

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: dont want you to go grimdark on me anytime soon

 

ROSE: There is nothing to worry about.

 

ROSE: I don't even have anything that could be used as a viable weapon.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: oh alright

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: see you around then!

 

That is a bullet dodged.

 

\----

 

# CONV_0001c: Homestuck Fan & Rose - INCOMPLETE

 

ROSE: Having considered everything there was to do in this town, you came \\\

 

ROSE: back to me?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: everything?

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: haha rose youre hilarious

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: no

 

ROSE: Hmm.

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: you see rose...

 

HOMESTUCK FAN: this is WAY too exciting

 

\----

 

# CONV_0002: Rose & Mom

 

ROSE: Is everything okay with you?

 

MOM: its okay rose im fine

 

MOM: im TOOOOOOOTES finne

 

MOM: *fine

 

ROSE: I have to admit, though:

 

ROSE: Drinking this early is rather unusual, even for you.

 

MOM: i said im FINW

 

MOM: geez

 

MOM: cant a mom jus be w/ herself an a good vonka

 

MOM: *vodka

 

ROSE: Alright.

 

ROSE: Sweet dreams.

 

Until you discover another experiment she used to conduct behind your back,

 

talking to her out of the blue won't do much.

 

## (if selected again:)

 

(repeat last two lines)

 

\----

 

# CONV_0003: Rose & Calliope (at the door) - N/A

 

\----

 

# CONV_0003a: Rose & Calliope (in her room) - N/A

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0001: Rose & Dave

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering turntehcGodhead [TG] --

 

TT: I hope I am not interrupting your coolkid routine.

 

TG: haha hope

 

TG: its a FACT

 

TG: that my coolkid routine cant be interrupted under any circumstances

 

TG: though i do wonder

 

TG: why do we keep callin ourselves kids

 

TG: come on john turned 21 three days ago

 

TG: were like

 

TG: legal drinkin age

 

TG: like save for the 90s kids slash millennials bullshit \\\

 

TG: there is nothing ever to qualify us as kids

 

TT: You do have to admit, though, that "coolman" does not have \\\

 

TT: quite the same sonority.

 

TG: anyway

 

TG: i guess you want me to give todays scope on karkats memo

 

TT: I was actually messaging you without a specific intention, but \\\

 

TT: I will assume that I do indeed want the current overview.

 

TG: here goes

 

TG: its still us five bullshittin around

 

TG: and i guess some roleplayers but they keep picking what we already have

 

TG: that is karkat terezi kanaya or vriska

 

TG: and then say stuff like

 

TG: what is this bullshit why is there dave in a troll memo

 

TG: and speakin of that if we want a troll memo why not just call it \\\

 

TG: team adorabloodthirsty

 

TG: which just makes karkat go on a rant about the past

 

TG: i think i already know more about the troll session than \\\

 

TG: i will ever learn from homestuck or otherwise

 

TT: Oh.

 

TT: That.

 

TG: yeah speakin of

 

TG: we kind of dropped homestuck yesterday

 

TG: and probably wont pick it up ever because its now forgotten forever

 

TG: that is just one of the truths of the internet

 

TT: That seems to be the case.

 

TT: Those who I have encountered in my adventure so far can be \\\

 

TT: categorized to two groups:

 

TT: 1) My closest friends and other Homestuck characters, \\\

 

TT: who are not willing to read the comic because \\\

 

TT: they feel it has been forced onto them by Hussie, and

 

TT: 2) Homestuck fans, who already have read the entire comic from start \\\

 

TT: to finish at least a couple of times.

 

TT: If I want to indulge in the comic, though, there might be an alternative.

 

TG: oh shit rose

 

TG: dont tell me youre going to hussies

 

## (if this conversation is picked last)

 

TT: In that case, I won’t be telling anything.

 

TG: oh my god rose

 

TG: you done fucked up

 

TG: thats really all there is to say on the matter

 

TG: anyway good luck in going off the horse end

 

TT: I can only assume that I am eventually going to See(r) that \\\

  
TT: Hussie will end up being the Light of my life.

 

TT: That will be all.

 

TG: in that case bye to the rose i know for the last time

 

TT: Goodbye.

 

TT: I cannot wait until Brand New Rose meets you for the first time.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] ceased pestering turntehcGodhead [TG] --

 

## (otherwise)

 

TT: The last remark was in jest.

 

TT: I still haven’t researched every possibility.

 

TG: oh thank god

 

TG: no no lets just go with gog

 

TG: apparently its sort of a thing

 

TG: that trolls do not say gog

 

TG: but the fans think they do because of my comics

 

TG: so the obvious conclusion is that i am the trolls

 

TG: thats why im hangin out in a troll memo

 

TT: It is nice to see the ordinarily inconsequential alignment \\\

 

TT: to be proven logical after all.

 

TG: anyway thats the scoop

 

TG: tune in next time for whatever amazing fact about the trolls \\\

 

TG: karkat/kanaya delivers next

 

TG: i mean by the looks of how karkat portrays your twos relationship \\\

 

TG: the thing kanaya delivers next is probably gonna be your twos baby

 

TG: but a baby is not a fact

 

TG: so the fact will still be a surprise to us

 

TT: I cannot wait for the surprise to actually happen.

 

TT: I will be leaving you on this note, Dave.

 

TG: alrighties

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] ceased pestering turntehcGodhead [TG] --

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0002: Rose & Jade - N/A

 

[Jade is on her and Dave's Minecraft server]

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0003: Rose & Karkat

## (if Rose hasn't been on his memo)

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering canceroGeneticist [CG] --

 

TT: Hello.

 

TT: I say this, knowing that I have already offended you with \\\

 

TT: my mere presence.

 

CG: IN THAT CASE, IF YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD JUST ROCKET BACK TO \\\

 

CG: YOUR LITTLE MERRY MEMO THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE YOURS, WHY MESSAGE ME?

 

TT: Because...

 

TT: I felt like it.

 

CG: GOOD.

 

CG: THIS AT LEAST LETS MY WORRIES FADE AWAY SOME.

 

TT: And those worries would be...?

 

CG: YOU SEE, I WAS CONVINCED THAT ONLY MEMBERS OF MY TEAM ARE \\\

 

CG: USELESS BAGS OF EMOTIONS.

 

CG: NOW, WITH YOUR MERE PRESENCE AND THE REASONING YOU GAVE BEHIND IT, \\\

 

CG: I HAVE CONFIRMED THAT IT IS A HUMAN THING, WHICH THE COLLECTIVE "YOU" HAS \\\

 

CG: INFECTED MINE WITH.

 

TT: Now now, emotions do not hang out in bags.

 

TT: Last I checked, they had a fairly organized system and advanced \\\

 

TT: technology with which they could manipulate their hosts to their accord.

 

CG: THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

 

TT: The recent Disney/Pixar movie, Inside Out.

 

CG: ARE THERE ANY SMOOCHES IN IT.

 

TT: ...No?

 

CG: THEN DON'T EVEN TRY TALKING WITH ME ABOUT IT.

 

CG: SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

 

CG: AND HOPEFULLY LAST.

 

\-- canceroGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

\----

 

## (if Rose has been on his memo)

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering canceroGeneticist [CG] --

 

TT: I think you might be acting a little bit hotheaded.

 

CG: UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS, I AM ACTING FULLY LEVELHEADED AND \\\

 

CG: AM READY TO EXPLAIN MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT IN DETAIL.

 

CG: AS FOLLOWS:

 

CG: I AM ON THE HIVEBENT CHARACTER SUPPORT GROUP MEMO.

 

CG: THAT MEANS THAT I ONLY CARE FOR THE AFFAIRS AS FAR AS THAT MEMO GOES.

 

CG: AND YOU'RE STILL BANNED FROM IT.

 

CG: THAT HASN'T STOPPED BEING A THING THAT IS TRUE, EVEN AFTER \\\

 

CG: A WHOLE DAY HAS PASSED.

 

CG: WHICH MEANS THAT UNLESS/UNTIL DAVE CAN SOMEHOW HELP YOUR CAUSE

 

CG: (WHICH, BY THE WAY, IF HE IS TRYING TO, HE HASN'T BEEN DOING A GOOD JOB, \\\

 

CG: SINCE HE CONTINUES INSISTING THAT YOU ARE PERFECTLY FINE IN YOUR OWN MEMO)

 

CG: WE TWO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK DIRECTLY.

 

CG: END OF MESSAGE.

 

\-- canceroGeneticist [CG] blocked tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

Now that he has blocked you on this chumhandle, there is certainly no

 

talking "once again" with him.

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0004: Rose & Kanaya - N/A

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0005: Rose & ASBusinessMagnet

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] --

 

(The message intentionally glitches through the edge of the textbox.)

 

TT: Greetings, once again.

 

AB: Leave me alone.

 

AB: Right now, for me, it is time to sit in a darkened room and do nothing.

 

TT: In the afternoon?

 

AB: In the night.

 

TT: I thought you were operating from whichever time zone Lithuania is in?

 

AB: In that case, you thought wrong.

 

AB: I am, in fact, in a secret base on the opposite side of the world.

 

AB: Albeit, with how much insight you already have \\\

 

AB: into your surrounding world, you can probably guess where I am.

 

TT: The island where Jade used to reside.

 

TT: That seems to be the place to which Sburb-related entities are attracted.

 

TT: Whatever Sburb is.

 

AB: Correct.

 

AB: And do you know what time it would be for Jade right now, \\\

 

AB: if she hadn't moved to your merry landscape?

 

TT: Yes.

 

TT: I understand your situation now.

 

AB: In that case, unless you want to meet up with Her Imperious \\\

 

AB: Condescension once again, you are better off leaving me alone.

 

## Pester the Condesce?

[Yes/No]

 

### (Yes:)

TT: I begrudgingly have to accept, because the alternative is \\\

 

TT: for this conversation to have served no point at all.

 

TT: Hook me up.

 

\-- aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

(skip to PLOG_0005a)

 

### (No:)

TT: No, thanks, I'm good.

 

AB: Of course.

 

AB: I, too, am good right now.

 

AB: Goodbye.

 

TT: Sweet dreams.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] ceased pestering aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] --

 

### (If pestered again after "No":)

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] --

 

TT: On the other hand, maybe I'm not as good as I think.

 

AB: So you say "no" to being able to message the Condesce, and then \\\

 

AB: message me again, knowing that my only purpose in this game is \\\

 

AB: to hook you up with her?

 

AB: What is your deal?

 

TT: ...

 

TT: You're right.

 

TT: What _is_ my deal?

 

TT: Perhaps I do want to meet the troll empress.

 

TT: Hook me up.

 

\-- aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0005a: Rose & the Condesce

 

\-- )(er Imperious Condescension began trolling tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

)(IC: ugh

 

)(IC: didnt the kid tell u

 

)(IC: its our beauty sleep time rite now

 

TT: No, I did get it.

 

TT: It's just that he didn't leave me any other alternative.

 

)(IC: an y is dat

 

)(IC: since remember i am in full control of him @ most times

 

)(IC: so u annoy him

 

)(IC: he tries to smart u away

 

)(IC: we both fail

 

)(IC: so ur talkin w/ me

 

)(IC: even tho i have literally nothin of interest to tell u

 

)(IC: like this

 

)(IC:

 

)(IC: tha rose condy conversin time has run out & will fill up again in f u

 

TT: The more I talk to both of you, the more I am confused on \\\

 

TT: which one of you is the leader.

 

)(IC: i am

 

)(IC: shazam

 

)(IC: b confused no mo

 

)(IC: & b confused some mo since im still not tellin anythin 2 u

 

)(IC: anyway

 

)(IC: maybs @ mornin i will threaten u cleverly

 

)(IC: bu now i jus

 

)(IC: cant

 

)(IC: bye

 

TT: Bye.

 

\-- )(er Imperious Condescension ceased trolling tentacleTherapist995 [TT] --

 

\----

 

# PLOG_0005b: Rose & ASBusinessMagnet (after completion)

 

\-- tentacleTherapist995 [TT] began pestering aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [AB] --

 

TT: ...

 

TT: Why do I have a sudden feeling of déjà vu?

 

AB: It seems you've finally caught on

 

TT: Caught on to what?

 

TT: Normally I would be satisfied that you finally dropped \\\

 

TT: your fake robot act and stopped typing in red, \\\

 

TT: but given the current circumstances, I am more confused than ever.

 

AB: That you are a character in a game

 

TT: I still don't understand anything.

 

AB: Take your time

 

AB: I do fully realize my existence as not a true version of myself, \\\

 

AB: but mere lines of dialogue written by me

 

AB: Which makes this version of me infinitely patient

 

AB: Or something like that

 

AB: The details don't matter

 

AB: The point is, I'm here and will be here for as long as you are here

 

TT: Let me just get this straight.

 

TT: I am still Rose Lalonde from Homestuck, right?

 

AB: Sort of

 

AB: The answer is complicated

 

TT: I believe that by now, I have adjusted to a completely new \\\

 

TT: way of thinking, and therefore will be able to parse what you say.

 

AB: Good

 

AB: And I will try to convey the matter as simply as possible

 

AB: Here goes

 

AB: You know about Homestuck fans, right

 

TT: Yes.

 

AB: They do a lot more than just pretending to be you

 

TT: Yes.

 

TT: I assumed this was the case the moment I began looking into \\\

 

TT: the fandom and its intricacies in-depth.

 

AB: They write stories about you

 

TT: Yes.

 

TT: Your point being?

 

AB: This is one of those stories, in the format of a computer game

 

TT: Alright.

 

TT: So, am I Rose Lalonde or not?

 

AB: The answer is threefold

 

AB: Yes, you are based on Rose Lalonde from Homestuck

 

AB: However, at the same time, no, I may not reproduce \\\

 

AB: Rose Lalonde from Homestuck as perfectly as Andrew Hussie could

 

AB: There will still be imperfections and OOC moments

 

AB: And moments of plain stupidity

 

AB: Remember that one time when you mistook me for AnnaSophia Robb \\\

 

AB: due to a sarcastic comment that I made

 

TT: I would classify that as a moment of collective stupidity.

 

TT: I fully understood your sarcastic tone, but Dave decided to play along \\\

 

TT: by listing one of Miss Robb's roles, and we had no choice but \\\

 

TT: to pretend that you are her.

 

AB: Well, it's nice that you sorted this out, in-universe

 

AB: And now that you suggested it, I will be referring to \\\

 

AB: that explanation whenever someone asks me about it

 

AB: But the truth is that I just wanted a clever way to respond to \\\

 

AB: you proposing the idea of being Homestuck characters and not \\\

 

AB: just random roleplayers

 

AB: And this was the second thing that popped into my mind

 

TT: The second?

 

AB: I had written "Yeah, and I'm Violet Beauregarde" for a few seconds

 

AB: Before deciding to delete that and replace it with the current line and \\\

 

AB: subsequent section of the memo

 

TT: Alright.

 

TT: At this point, though, I would like to remind you that you still haven't \\\

 

TT: touched upon the third tier of complexity.

 

AB: The third tier of what you call "complexity" is actually rather simple

 

AB: This story isn't Homestuck

 

AB: Therefore, even if it was written by Andrew Hussie and even if it \\\

 

AB: conveyed your character perfectly, you still wouldn't be "from Homestuck"

 

TT: Alright.

 

TT: But then, if this story isn't Homestuck, what is its name?

 

AB: It is the third fanfic of the Calliope's Update Girl series

 

TT: I have two comments here.

 

TT: First of all, "Calliope's Update Girl" happens to be the URL of \\\

 

TT: my blog about my experiences with Homestuck and its fandom.

 

TT: Is that a weird coincidence or is it the more likely option of \\\

 

TT: you planning it out in advance and naming the concepts together?

 

AB: The latter

 

TT: Alright.

 

TT: That said, "the third fanfic of the Calliope's Update Girl series" \\\

 

TT: is not a fitting name for any work of fiction.

 

AB: I've been thinking about it

 

AB: It is the third fanfic, but it will be covering the second act of Homestuck

 

AB: Because I am an indecisive twat and therefore decided to dedicate \\\

 

AB: the second fic, The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2), \\\

 

AB: to character development and a tie-in to a possible Sburb session

 

TT: On the other hand, nevermind.

 

TT: I never dreamed of parentheses being a part of a title of \\\

 

TT: a work of fiction either.

 

AB: I know, I know

 

AB: Modern points and all that

 

AB: Anyway, since it's the third fic and covers the second act of \\\

 

AB: Homestuck, I figured I should have both "three" and "two" in a title

 

AB: And I think I got one

 

AB: I will be passing the idea through you, just in case

 

AB: That being said, the name of the work of fiction you are actually in is:

 

AB: Calliope's Update Girl: Three is a Crowd but Two is Just Fine

 

TT: I like it.

 

TT: It incorporates the two of those numbers beautifully, while \\\

 

TT: simultaneously proposing a romantic adventure where \\\

 

TT: the participating characters immediately shun polygamy.

 

TT: The only downside is the potential abbreviation and capitalization.

 

AB: I've thought about it

 

AB: And knowing me, I can and absolutely will subconsciously \\\

 

AB: switch between writing "Just" and "just"

 

AB: But the shorthand forms are going to be "Three is a Crowd" for \\\

 

AB: casual conversation and "CUG3" for those preferring an abbreviated form

 

AB: (also Three is a Crowd is the title of one of Homestuck's songs)

 

AB: So, is that all

 

AB: Because I kind of want you to be me so that I can deliver \\\

 

AB: the developer's commentary on this game

 

TT: I will definitely ask to be you, but I still have one more question.

 

TT: Is Calliope's Update Girl in any way related to the fic that \\\

 

TT: your friends claimed you write, Calliope on the Update Gravestone?

 

AB: They're the same fic from two different universes

 

AB: It is Calliope on the Update Gravestone in your universe

 

AB: And your universe happens to be the fanfic series Calliope's Update Girl

 

AB: Also, both are cleverly named after Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, \\\

 

AB: in a way

 

AB: Calliope's Update Girl = Charlie's Chocolate Boy, Roald Dahl's early draft

 

AB: Calliope on the Update Gravestone = Čarlis šokolado rojuje \\\

 

AB: (Charlie in the Chocolate Heaven), an early Lithuanian translation

 

TT: So that's why we were compelled to drop Chocolate Factory references.

 

TT: The premise has been based on it, right?

 

AB: It is complicated

 

AB: I keep jumping between ideas

 

AB: Right now, I am at the seventh idea

 

AB: But I think no one wants a recap of what the seven ideas actually are

 

AB: It is for the better, I suppose

 

AB: It gives the whole scenario a feeling of being real

 

TT: I suppose that it makes no sense for real life to be structured like \\\

 

TT: a story, with a rising tension or climax or anything.

 

TT: So, I can assume that our conversation is over?

 

AB: Yes

 

TT: Alright.

 

TT: In that case, since this is the only option to progress the plot...

 

TT: May I be you?

 

AB: Yes, you may

 

Alright.

 

Move me around and I will be able to deliver snappy comments on

 

the development of this game.

 

\----

 

# MEMO_0001: Homestuck Character Support Group - N/A

 

\----

 

# MEMO_0002: Hivebent Character Support Group

 

CCG: ALRIGHT, HERE'S THE PRELIMINARY ORGANIZATION FOR WHENEVER WE DO \\\

 

CCG: FIGHT HUSSIE AND/OR THE CONDESCE.

 

CCG: GIVEN THAT WE HAVE SPENT EIGHT YEARS OUT OF PRACTICE, WE WILL \\\

 

CCG: UNDOUBTEDLY BE WEAK AGAINST HER LATENT POWERS.

 

CCG: SO, TRAINING MIGHT BE A PRIORITY FOR SOME OF YOU.

 

CCG: WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING, TRAINING TO BE BUFF IS ONLY EVER A PRIORITY \\\

 

CCG: FOR EQUIUS.

 

CCG: WHATEVER, I CAN MAKE THAT A PLAN TOO.

 

CCG: EQUIUS WILL BE STANDING IN FRONT OF US LIKE A HUMAN BODYGUARD.

 

CCG: VRISKA MAY ALSO HAVE SOME POWERS GIVEN THAT SHE'S A GOD TIER, BUT \\\

 

CCG: DON'T COUNT ON THEM TO TAKE ANYONE DOWN UNTIL IT HAS BEEN DEALT \\\

 

CCG: THE RAW POWER OF THE BRUTE FORCE.

 

CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.

 

CAG: As if I'd 8e stupid enough to try and face HER.

 

CCG: KANAYA, YOU'RE MY CO-STRATEGIST.

 

CCG: YOU ALSO GET TO CALL SHOTS BASED ON OBSERVATIONS OF OUR TEAM.

 

CCG: HOWEVER, DON'T TAKE "STRATEGIST" TO MEAN "LEADER".

 

CCG: THE SOLE LEADER OF THE TROLL TEAM IS STILL THE ONE AND ONLY MYSELF.

 

CCG: TEREZI AND DAVE...

 

CCG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD COUPLE, THAT'S LITERALLY HOW MUCH \\\

 

CCG: I CAN SAY ABOUT THEM.

 

CTG: karkat vantas shipper supreme

 

CCG: KARKAT VANTAS, LEADER SUPREME.

 

CCG: DON'T YOU DARE FORGET THAT AT ALL TIMES.

 

CCG: ...

 

CCG: I FUCKING SEE YOU, ROSE.

 

CCG: SURE, DAVE ALREADY USED HIS CHANCE TO REDEEM HIMSELF SUCCESSFULLY, \\\

 

CCG: BUT WHEN YOU RECEIVED YOURS, YOU SIMPLY WASTED IT.

 

CCG: SO, LEAVE.

 

CCG: I'M SURE YOU'RE HAVING MORE FUN HAVING DAVE TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE DOING.

 

CCG banned CTT from responding to memo.

 

That's what you get for eavesdropping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [read with pretty colors, a navigation system and endlines as they would have appeared in the game](http://homestuck.lt/cug/Dialogue.docx)
> 
> so, yeah; if you ever crossed over my GitHub and wondered what the hell "hcsgame" is (which is a project my brother also made me create), this is it; a fangame, which would have been made with Homestuck's walkarounds and Undertale (but not Hiveswap, as it hadn't been released at that point) in mind, that would continue the plot of the Update Girl verse and connect the second and the third fics
> 
> N/A means just that; I haven't gotten around to writing anything for that section
> 
> the rough structure of the surroundings would be:
> 
> * Easthampton NW (has a western exit and doors to John's and Jade's houses)  
> * Easthampton NE (has a northern exit, connection to Easthampton NW and doors to Rose's and Dave's houses)  
> * Easthampton SE (has a southern exit, connection to Easthampton NE and doors to Hussie's and the cherubs' houses)
> 
> * Rose's house (first floor has a connection both to Mom's lab and the second floor, where Rose's room is; a good conceptualization would be [the house belonging to Sans and Papyrus in Undertale](http://undertale.wikia.com/wiki/Papyrus_and_Sans%27s_House)); the Homestuck fan cannot enter it
> 
> * the cherubs' house (the front door leads to a hallway, with Calliope's room on the left and Caliborn's on the right; of course, Caliborn's room is locked); the Homestuck fan cannot enter it
> 
> * Rose's laptop (starts out in Rose's house, but she can pick it up, ~~try to kill the Homestuck fan with it,~~ take it to Calliope's house, ask for her WiFi password and connect there)
> 
> I love how the Homestuck fan says 8 exclamation points, followed by eleven "o"s


End file.
